I can't keep it in..anymore

Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!

Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my chin.
I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every morning
when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I had
a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend
crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
till I run empty. What then?
GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on
anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.

I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just wanted
to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of
salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.

Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.

I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry

--
AZ

AZ wrote:
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
> not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my chin.
> I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every morning
> when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
> and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I had
> a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend
> crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on
> anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just wanted
> to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of
> salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) )))))))

nothing to be sorry about

take care

depression sucks pond water BTDT and still doing that

Time to go buy some roses?

On May 20, 3:44*pm, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. *My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. *When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. *But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. *Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. *I actually expected it. *I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. *Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. *HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. *I am
> not upset about it. *I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. *I miss his nose trying to get under my chin.
> I miss him waiting for me when I got home. *He thought I died every morning
> when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
> and he was so happy to see me. *We did that every day. *Not anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. *My dad passed away before I had
> a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. *My best friend
> crashed his plane and died. *I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. *My tank is empty. *I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. *What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. *I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put meon
> anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. *I just wanted
> to write about how I'm feeling. *Maybe this helps, although some kind of
> salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. *If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. *I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. *I am sorry
>
> --
> AZ

My lord AZ, what a time of life's major challenges! I am so sorry you
are going through this. At the meet in NYC we talked about you and
Rolex and how our heart broke for you. I think you have suffered MANY
upheavals in a short period of time, and through it all you are
remaining smoke free and being an amazing and present father. I hope
the pdoc and the medication help. Until then, after then, all the
time - you have our shoulders. Thanks for trusting us with all this.

(((((((((AZ)))))))))))))

Volunteer locally. Cheers

Congrats on son graduation!

((((((((((((AZ)))))))))))))) You're going so much lately! Hopefully
the med will kick in soon and you'll start feeling better. So glad
you're here with us!!

Sally
VOF

On Tue, 20 May 2008 14:44:22 -0500, "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
>Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
>great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
>than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
>beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
>Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
>longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
>to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
>not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
>Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my chin.
>I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every morning
>when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
>and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
>My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I had
>a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend
>crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
>I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
>till I run empty. What then?
>GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on
>anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
>I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just wanted
>to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of
>salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
>Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
>you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
>I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry

AZ, I can't express adequately my sympathy for the loss of Rolex. If
something happened to my favorite cat, I don't know how I'd manage.

You know you're welcome to come here and post and ask for some support and
comiseration. You are loved here. And you know a lot of us (me me me) have
some substantial experience with depression and loss and all the other shit
life hands out. It's good to reach out and to be reminded, by those of us
who've been there:

This too shall pass. Just try to have a little faith that there's some
light down there at the end of that tunnel, and that you'll get there. In
the meantime, please be extra kind to yourself. And keep posting.

ep oooooooof



"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:BQFYj.45735$7a.14848@bignews1.bellsouth.net.. .
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
> not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my
> chin. I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every
> morning when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from
> the dead, and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not
> anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I
> had a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best
> friend crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me
> on anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just
> wanted to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some
> kind of salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>
> --
> AZ
>

On Tue, 20 May 2008 14:44:22 -0500, "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
>Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
>great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
>than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
>beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
>Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
>longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
>to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
>not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
>Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my chin.
>I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every morning
>when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
>and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
>My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I had
>a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend
>crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
>I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
>till I run empty. What then?
>GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on
>anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
>I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just wanted
>to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of
>salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
>Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
>you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
>I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry

No need to be sorry. I went through a brief (thank god) period of
depression at about 50 years old. I took the pills for 6 months and
came out on the other side just fine. I'm glad this happened to me
because it has helped me to understand others who get this type of
depression. I sure understand the whole kid thing. I have a picture
at my desk of my children when they were little. If I concentrate on
that picture I get very sad because I miss them so. I miss them as
they were then and think of all the things we did and mostly the
things we didn't do and should have. Even when things turn out OK
with your kids it's still tough to be a parent. There's always
something.
My thoughts are with you and I send you a great big hug.
Sue
Oh, and don't smoke.

Hi AZ, I hope writing it all down helped somewhat.
Sending you thoughts of support and hugs.Thats a lot for anyone to go
through in a short space of time.
((((((((((AZ))))))))).

Anita.

"Sue" <sebrady@thegrid.net> wrote in message
news:d6r6349vq551slrm484qardbt9rc4qmhb5@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 May 2008 14:44:22 -0500, "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
> wrote:
>
> >Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> >Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> >great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to
do
> >than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> >beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> >Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> >longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he
wants
> >to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I
am
> >not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
> >
> >Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my
chin.
> >I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every
morning
> >when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
> >and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
> >My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I
had
> >a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend
> >crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> >I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> >till I run empty. What then?
> >GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me
on
> >anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
> >
> >I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just
wanted
> >to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of
> >salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
> >
> >Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> >you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
> >
> >I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>
> No need to be sorry. I went through a brief (thank god) period of
> depression at about 50 years old. I took the pills for 6 months and
> came out on the other side just fine. I'm glad this happened to me
> because it has helped me to understand others who get this type of
> depression. I sure understand the whole kid thing. I have a picture
> at my desk of my children when they were little. If I concentrate on
> that picture I get very sad because I miss them so. I miss them as
> they were then and think of all the things we did and mostly the
> things we didn't do and should have. Even when things turn out OK
> with your kids it's still tough to be a parent. There's always
> something.
> My thoughts are with you and I send you a great big hug.
> Sue
> Oh, and don't smoke.

On May 20, 8:43*pm, "Anita" <Fier...@bigpond.com> wrote:
> Hi AZ, I hope writing it all down helped somewhat.
> Sending you thoughts of support and hugs.Thats a lot for anyone to go
> through in a short space of time.
> ((((((((((AZ))))))))).
>
> Anita.
>
> "Sue" <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote in message
>
> news:d6r6349vq551slrm484qardbt9rc4qmhb5@4ax.com...
>
>
>
> > On Tue, 20 May 2008 14:44:22 -0500, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com>
> > wrote:
>
> > >Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. *My little boy is a
> > >Construction Engineer. *When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I hada
> > >great time. *But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to
> do
> > >than to spend time with his dad. *Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> > >beer...I am not upset about it. *I actually expected it. *I came back to
> > >Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. *Alex is no
> > >longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. *HE will decide when he
> wants
> > >to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. *I
> am
> > >not upset about it. *I am just in a deep depression!
>
> > >Rolex is not here to talk to. *I miss his nose trying to get under my
> chin.
> > >I miss him waiting for me when I got home. *He thought I died every
> morning
> > >when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
> > >and he was so happy to see me. *We did that every day. *Not anymore..
> > >My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. *My dad passed away beforeI
> had
> > >a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. *My best friend
> > >crashed his plane and died. *I don't even like my work anymore.
> > >I just cannot take on anymore. *My tank is empty. *I am running on fumes,
> > >till I run empty. *What then?
> > >GAWD, Depression is a killer. *I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has putme
> on
> > >anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> > >I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. *I just
> wanted
> > >to write about how I'm feeling. *Maybe this helps, although some kindof
> > >salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> > >Thanks for reading. *If you are still reading, God bless you, I don'twhy
> > >you did. *I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> > >I really am having a very hard time. *I am sorry
>
> > No need to be sorry. *I went through a brief (thank god) period of
> > depression at about 50 years old. *I took the pills for 6 months and
> > came out on the other side just fine. *I'm glad this happened to me
> > because it has helped me to understand others who get this type of
> > depression. *I sure understand the whole kid thing. *I have a picture
> > at my desk of my children when they were little. *If I concentrate on
> > that picture I get very sad because I miss them so. *I miss them as
> > they were then and think of all the things we did and mostly the
> > things we didn't do and should have. *Even when things turn out OK
> > with your kids it's still tough to be a parent. *There's always
> > something.
> > My thoughts are with you and I send you a great big hug.
> > Sue
> > Oh, and don't smoke.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

AZ Sweetie - Don't do this to yourself. STOP. Your kids love you, they
will eventually come around, just forget about them cause they have
their own lives and you are not in it at this point in their lives.
They will come back to you. I promise. Go to the Humane Society or
animal shelter and get a companion who desperately needs a human to
take him/her in. You need it, he/she needs it, and it will bring you
back to yourself and keep everything in perspective.
Hugs,
Pam

We are all pulling for you AZ. When I get to where I am struggling with
many things, my (AA) sponsor makes me write a gratitude list. I know that's
probably not helpful to you but I thought I might throw it out there for
someone else who might be reading. My feelings follow my thoughts and
writing a gratitude list forces my feelings to feel better. Even if the
only thing I can be grateful for is the end of the day, or for breath.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen


"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:BQFYj.45735$7a.14848@bignews1.bellsouth.net.. .
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
> not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my
> chin. I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every
> morning when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from
> the dead, and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not
> anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I
> had a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best
> friend crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me
> on anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just
> wanted to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some
> kind of salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>
> --
> AZ
>

>I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry

No reason to be sorry. Please don't hold all that shit inside. Let
it out, even if it's only to yourself. I find it very helpful to
write stuff - years ago it was pen and legal pad, now it's Word and
keyboard. Let it out in whatever way feels best for you. Keep it
after you've written it or toss it in the recycle bin.

It's really hard when you realize your kids have a life outside of
yours, doesn't it? You raise them to have wings, but it hurts like
hell when they've learned to use them.

((((((((((AZ))))))))))

--
BessieBee
"Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?"

(((((((((((((((AZ))))))))))))))))
My hope and heart for you.
Remember it will all pass. Lifes ups and downs. Come and go.
It is a difficult journey at times. At times things happened to me
that made me feel I couldn't do it.
Then I looked into myself.
Rest, make time for yourself and do whatever it takes to be strong for
you.
Then everything else follows positively. LIke a wave of healing. A
wave of strength.

Thank you all for listening and for your advice. Like David said, it's time
to buy roses, and that's exactly what I am doing today, and will take them
to the new Children Hospital that opened about 6 months ago. I am taking a
picture of Rolex with me to show them my ex-partner.

Thank you all so much

--
AZ

AZ wrote:
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
> not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my chin.
> I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every morning
> when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from the dead,
> and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I had
> a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best friend
> crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on
> anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just wanted
> to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some kind of
> salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>


Oh AZ, I know what you feel about your kids. My daughter (24) was the
same for a while. And then all of a sudden, here she was again, hanging
out with Mom! Go figure! Now she says that my best friend and I are
HER best friends! She gets one day a week off from work and she spends
it with ME! It took some time to get there, though... I had to let go
and let her come back on her terms. She's an adult now, not a child. I
wouldn't demand that my best friend come over every Saturday, now would
it? LOL

Unfortunately, I get to go through this all again in another 3 years
when my son graduates high school. He's a bit of a mama's boy (daddy's
boy, too) since he's the baby. I may have to put my boot to his behind
to get him to fly the coop..... LOL

Cindy
Smobriety comes to: 1Y 4M 1W 6D 22H 4Mns $-Saved to date: $1970.72
Cigs not smoked: 9978

AZ! You have already gotten a lot of good advice here and I really
can't think of something novel to add to it. I do think Kathleen's
idea of working on a gratitude list is excellent as we feel what we
think and if we think we are sad we feel that way. I do hope the meds
kick in soon as I have been on wellbutrin for a couple of years and it
really does help me cope with the day to day BS that otherwise might
be too much to handle.

I do think that you need to consider getting another dog or cat soon.
I gave myself about six months to mourn my Sam and feel that I was
ready to start looking. Once I made that decision, Lucifer immediately
showed up and we've been bonding for the past 7+ weeks. Being a cat,
it does take time to learn that getting on the table and sink is a no-
no but with the help of my squirt bottle, he is *slowly* getting that
inside his noodle. Otherwise we really are having fun as he keeps me
busy a lot.

FlatironMike
cat chaser
One year, three months, one week, three days, 13 hours, 4 minutes and
50 seconds. 9310 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,793.02. Life saved:
4 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 50 minutes.

AZ, you really have had a bad year. I'm so sorry things are not going
well for you right now. Losing a pet and trusted companion on top of
everything just makes it suck even more.

Big hugs coming your way.
((((((((((((((((((((((AZ)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love
Ashley

Sorry you're going through a nasty time.
I can well understand how you feel on losing your pet/friend - I had a
big red and white tom cat for some eight years who died about nine years
ago and I miss him still. He thought I was God, because he'd had a bad
time for some months as a stray and then in a cat's refuge place, before
I took him in and gave him a secure safe home.
I've been fortunate enough never to have experienced depression,
although after taking Chancix for 3 weeks last February I think I
glimpsed a little of what it might be like, so I can sympathize with
you on that and hope it can be cleared up.
Keep posting in here, and hang on - things will get better.
I know this because I've had rough times and things did get better.
Nothing lasts forever!
--
Ian
51 days of notsmoking and also not coughing....

AZ, you are not the first, nor will you be the last to suffer from
depression.
it can and will get better.
ODAAT!





"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:BQFYj.45735$7a.14848@bignews1.bellsouth.net.. .
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
> not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my
> chin. I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every
> morning when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from
> the dead, and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not
> anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I
> had a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best
> friend crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me
> on anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just
> wanted to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some
> kind of salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>
> --
> AZ
>

God Bless you,AZ.Deprssion is a bitch aint it!!!!I have been where you are
many many times. I hope the meds kick in soon for you so you can get some
relief.this will pass in time.My heart goes out to you. Kudos to you for
staying smokefree at this time.
Becky
"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:BQFYj.45735$7a.14848@bignews1.bellsouth.net.. .
> Alexander, my son, has graduated from college. My little boy is a
> Construction Engineer. When I went to Iowa for his graduation, I had a
> great time. But Alex, is 23, and he had a lot more important things to do
> than to spend time with his dad. Things like...girls, parties, friends,
> beer...I am not upset about it. I actually expected it. I came back to
> Louisiana, sad as hell, and happy as hell at the same time. Alex is no
> longer a kid. He is a man with his own life. HE will decide when he wants
> to see his dad, or brother, who will be doing the same in two years. I am
> not upset about it. I am just in a deep depression!
>
> Rolex is not here to talk to. I miss his nose trying to get under my
> chin. I miss him waiting for me when I got home. He thought I died every
> morning when I left for work, and it was a miracle that I got home from
> the dead, and he was so happy to see me. We did that every day. Not
> anymore.
> My girl friend and I split up 2 weeks ago. My dad passed away before I
> had a chance to tell him I was sorry and loved him very much. My best
> friend crashed his plane and died. I don't even like my work anymore.
> I just cannot take on anymore. My tank is empty. I am running on fumes,
> till I run empty. What then?
> GAWD, Depression is a killer. I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me
> on anti depressant but it takes like 3 days to get into my system.
>
> I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for answers. I just
> wanted to write about how I'm feeling. Maybe this helps, although some
> kind of salty liquid is just rolling down my cheeks.
>
> Thanks for reading. If you are still reading, God bless you, I don't why
> you did. I did not go to work today, as I would have been useless.
>
> I really am having a very hard time. I am sorry
>
> --
> AZ
>

AZ dont apologize.....!!!
as a fellow sufferer from depression...i commend you for reaching out
for an ear to hear you...to let you know you ARE NOT INVISIBLE...
YOU D O MATTER....you are loved and THIS MESSAGE NOARD WOULD NOT BE
THE SAME WITHOUT - - AZ !!!!!!!!!!
wish i could zap that depression off ya.
(((((((((((((((((( AZ )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Steve

AZ,

I am sorry you're feeling so badly, and sorry I come late to this thread.
Perhaps your med is kicking in by now? Give it time to work, and work with
your doc to get the right med and the right dose. Long story short: Last
month I had a crisis that finally forced me to get medicated because it
became clear I couldn't "fix myself" through sheer force of will and talk
therapy. It's a chemical thing. I have to say -- I wish I'd done this
YEARS ago. I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel. The
difference is utterly amazing. I still have work to do on myself, to be
sure, but now I can do it instead of being incapacitated. I hope you will
feel a similar effect with your med and that it will help to pull you out of
the hole you seem to have been in for a while.

J

OF - 007

Smoke free for one year, four months, one week, five days, 23 hours, 33
minutes and 32 seconds. This amounts to 14969 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$3,554.94, and adding 7 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes to my fabulous
life.


"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote

> I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on anti depressant but it takes
> like 3 days to get into my system.
>

Thanks, J. Sharing your experience with me means a lot.

--
AZ
"BostonJW (Lurking007)" <bostonjw@ay-oh-el.com> wrote in message
news:Uao%j.29$t07.27@newsfe22.lga...
> AZ,
>
> I am sorry you're feeling so badly, and sorry I come late to this thread.
> Perhaps your med is kicking in by now? Give it time to work, and work
> with your doc to get the right med and the right dose. Long story short:
> Last month I had a crisis that finally forced me to get medicated because
> it became clear I couldn't "fix myself" through sheer force of will and
> talk therapy. It's a chemical thing. I have to say -- I wish I'd done
> this YEARS ago. I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel.
> The difference is utterly amazing. I still have work to do on myself,
> to be sure, but now I can do it instead of being incapacitated. I hope
> you will feel a similar effect with your med and that it will help to pull
> you out of the hole you seem to have been in for a while.
>
> J
>
> OF - 007
>
> Smoke free for one year, four months, one week, five days, 23 hours, 33
> minutes and 32 seconds. This amounts to 14969 cigarettes not smoked,
> saving $3,554.94, and adding 7 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes to my
> fabulous life.
>
>
> "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote
>
>> I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on anti depressant but it takes
>> like 3 days to get into my system.
>>
>
>

On May 29, 6:30*am, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Thanks, J. *Sharing your experience with me means a lot.
>
> --
> AZ"BostonJW (Lurking007)" <bosto...@ay-oh-el.com> wrote in message
>
> news:Uao%j.29$t07.27@newsfe22.lga...
>
>
>
> > AZ,
>
> > I am sorry you're feeling so badly, and sorry I come late to this thread..
> > Perhaps your med is kicking in by now? * Give it time to work, and work
> > with your doc to get the right med and the right dose. *Long story short:
> > Last month I had a crisis that finally forced me to get medicated because
> > it became clear I couldn't "fix myself" through sheer force of will and
> > talk therapy. * It's a chemical thing. * I have to say *-- I wish I'd done
> > this YEARS ago. *I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel..
> > The difference is utterly amazing. * *I still have work to do on myself,
> > to be sure, but now I can do it instead of being incapacitated. *I hope
> > you will feel a similar effect with your med and that it will help to pull
> > you out of the hole you seem to have been in for a while.
>
> > J
>
> > OF - 007
>
> > Smoke free for one year, four months, one week, five days, 23 hours, 33
> > minutes and 32 seconds. This amounts to 14969 cigarettes not smoked,
> > saving $3,554.94, and adding 7 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes to my
> > fabulous life.
>
> > "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote
>
> >> I am seeing a "Shrink" and she has put me on anti depressant but it takes
> >> like 3 days to get into my system.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

AZ.... did it get better after 3 days?

On May 28, 9:04*pm, "BostonJW \(Lurking007\)" <bosto...@ay-oh-el.com>
wrote:
> AZ,
>
> I am sorry you're feeling so badly, and sorry I come late to this thread.
> Perhaps your med is kicking in by now? * Give it time to work, and work with
> your doc to get the right med and the right dose. *Long story short: *Last
> month I had a crisis that finally forced me to get medicated because it
> became clear I couldn't "fix myself" through sheer force of will and talk
> therapy. * It's a chemical thing. * I have to say *-- I wish I'd done this
> YEARS ago. *I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel. *The
> difference is utterly amazing. * *I still have work to do on myself, to be
> sure, but now I can do it instead of being incapacitated. *I hope you will
> feel a similar effect with your med and that it will help to pull you out of
> the hole you seem to have been in for a while.
>
> J
>
> OF - 007
>
> Smoke free for one year, four months, one week, five days, 23 hours, 33
> minutes and 32 seconds. This amounts to 14969 cigarettes not smoked, saving
> $3,554.94, and adding 7 weeks, 2 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes to my fabulous
> life.
>
Glad things are working out for you.
Shame it takes a crisis to get us to take action on our own behalf.

Can't wait to see that meter hit 15,000 cigs.