*Ping* Stephanie - baby update

Things aren't going too well except that I've gotten to see Julianna
three times this week. Elizabeth made up with her mother enough that
they went to the fair together last Sunday so my daughter called me
Sunday night before she took Liz "home" so I could go visit.
Unfortunately, "home" is back with the abusive boyfriend who I
*thought* was a gangsta wannabe but is, apparently, not wannabe but
is. A couple of weeks ago there was the very rare murder here at a
house out in the country. Something like 300 to 500 people there.
Gang related. Some 18 year old was shot point blank in the face
(obviously died) and another guy was shot in the back while running
away (didn't die - damn it). I'm sure you can see by my reaction that
the one who was running away was the boyfriend whose gang name is
Monster. The bullet went in and out of his shoulder - just tunneled
under the skin. Wish the guy had been a better shot. For a couple of
days no one would tell the police anything and then, next thing in the
news was that someone had been arrested. Rumor has it that Monster
was the one who told and now *his* gang (the Nortenos) want to kill
him because they wanted to "get" the guy who did the shooting and now
they can't because he's in police custody and when he goes to prison
he will have gang "creds". I hope this rumor isn't true since Liz is
at his house again.
Ya know, I wasn't raised with all this. My children weren't raised
with all this except for what was *around* them but not "with" them,
if you know what I mean. Very disheartening. Very scary.
At least, Julianna looks very well cared for. She looks healthy and
is smiling. I hadn't seen her in a month. Liz had to come into my
office a couple of times this week (brought in by her other grandma)
so I got to see the baby there too.
Even though this has been really stressful for me and I've lost a lot
of sleep I don't even think about smoking. I believe I've gotten
beyond the stress trigger business.
Sue

Sue, I'm sorry to hear that Liz is back with the lowlife gangbanger,
but at least Julianna is healthy and being well cared for. Liz is an
adult and has to live with the consequences of her own choices, but
Julianna doesn't have a vote in this.

I'm so sorry. This must be hard for you and for your daughter. Big
hugs to both of you. Maybe gangbanger will get taken out (not that I'd
really wish it on anyone) and Liz and Julianna will be free.

Love
Ashley

And PS. We all care, silly, not just Stephanie! :P

On Sat, 10 May 2008 12:03:42 -0700 (PDT), writer272002
<writer272002@gmail.com> wrote:

>And PS. We all care, silly, not just Stephanie! :P

I felt awful pinging just Stephanie. I knew there had been other
people who had commented and offered support, but I couldn't remember
for the damned life of me who it was (CRAFT). The posts were, IIRC
(and I don't do that very well), buried in another thread and I didn't
know which one. Shoulda done a Google search. I'm so sorry. If we
didn't have so many nice people here it would be easy to remember!
Sue

Sue I am so sorry for this horrid situation, and promist to pray for the baby.

Sue <sebrady@thegrid.net> penned.wrote.stated:
: On Sat, 10 May 2008 12:03:42 -0700 (PDT), writer272002
: <writer272002@gmail.com> wrote:

:>And PS. We all care, silly, not just Stephanie! :P

: I felt awful pinging just Stephanie. I knew there had been other
: people who had commented and offered support, but I couldn't remember
: for the damned life of me who it was (CRAFT). The posts were, IIRC
: (and I don't do that very well), buried in another thread and I didn't
: know which one. Shoulda done a Google search. I'm so sorry. If we
: didn't have so many nice people here it would be easy to remember!
: Sue

On Sat, 10 May 2008 21:56:14 +0000 (UTC), Jsteam <fftNIEH@main.com>
wrote:

>
>Sue I am so sorry for this horrid situation, and promist to pray for the baby.

Thanks. She needs all the help she can get. So sweet, so innocent,
so trusting. Breaks my heart.
Sue

>
>Sue <sebrady@thegrid.net> penned.wrote.stated:
>: On Sat, 10 May 2008 12:03:42 -0700 (PDT), writer272002
>: <writer272002@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>:>And PS. We all care, silly, not just Stephanie! :P
>
>: I felt awful pinging just Stephanie. I knew there had been other
>: people who had commented and offered support, but I couldn't remember
>: for the damned life of me who it was (CRAFT). The posts were, IIRC
>: (and I don't do that very well), buried in another thread and I didn't
>: know which one. Shoulda done a Google search. I'm so sorry. If we
>: didn't have so many nice people here it would be easy to remember!
>: Sue

On May 10, 6:13*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
> On Sat, 10 May 2008 21:56:14 +0000 (UTC), Jsteam <fftN...@main.com>
> wrote:
>
>
>
> >Sue I am so sorry for this horrid situation, and promist to pray for the baby.
>
> Thanks. *She needs all the help she can get. *So sweet, so innocent,
> so trusting. *Breaks my heart.
> Sue
>
>
>
>
>
> >Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> penned.wrote.stated:
> >: On Sat, 10 May 2008 12:03:42 -0700 (PDT), writer272002
> >: <writer272...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> >:>And PS. We all care, silly, not just Stephanie! :P
>
> >: I felt awful pinging just Stephanie. *I knew there had been other
> >: people who had commented and offered support, but I couldn't remember
> >: for the damned life of me who it was (CRAFT). *The posts were, IIRC
> >: (and I don't do that very well), buried in another thread and I didn't
> >: know which one. *Shoulda done a Google search. *I'm so sorry. *Ifwe
> >: didn't have so many nice people here it would be easy to remember!
> >: Sue *- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Sweetie - Breaks my heart. You can't control other people's actions. I
have a gun if you need one.
Hugs,
Pam

On May 10, 12:17*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
> Things aren't going too well except that I've gotten to see Julianna
> three times this week. *Elizabeth made up with her mother enough that
> they went to the fair together last Sunday so my daughter called me
> Sunday night before she took Liz "home" so I could go visit.
> Unfortunately, "home" is back with the abusive boyfriend who I
> *thought* was a gangsta wannabe but is, apparently, not wannabe but
> is. *A couple of weeks ago there was the very rare murder here at a
> house out in the country. *Something like 300 to 500 people there.
> Gang related. *Some 18 year old was shot point blank in the face
> (obviously died) and another guy was shot in the back while running
> away (didn't die - damn it). *I'm sure you can see by my reaction that
> the one who was running away was the boyfriend whose gang name is
> Monster. *The bullet went in and out of his shoulder - just tunneled
> under the skin. *Wish the guy had been a better shot. *For a couple of
> days no one would tell the police anything and then, next thing in the
> news was that someone had been arrested. *Rumor has it that Monster
> was the one who told and now *his* gang (the Nortenos) want to kill
> him because they wanted to "get" the guy who did the shooting and now
> they can't because he's in police custody and when he goes to prison
> he will have gang "creds". *I hope this rumor isn't true since Liz is
> at his house again.
> Ya know, I wasn't raised with all this. *My children weren't raised
> with all this except for what was *around* them but not "with" them,
> if you know what I mean. *Very disheartening. *Very scary.
> At least, Julianna looks very well cared for. *She looks healthy and
> is smiling. *I hadn't seen her in a month. *Liz had to come into my
> office a couple of times this week (brought in by her other grandma)
> so I got to see the baby there too.
> Even though this has been really stressful for me and I've lost a lot
> of sleep I don't even think about smoking. *I believe I've gotten
> beyond the stress trigger business.
> Sue

Oh Sue, I am so sorry to be late in responding; I flew home today
from Denver (Meg graduated Thursday) so I have been away from the
computer a lot of the time.

I am glad you have seen the baby, and that despite all the trauma and
upset you can continue to be a positive influence in Julianna (and
Liz's life). The story of Monster just blew me away - she must must
MUST see that this is not a healthy environment for a child (for
anyone, much less a child).

I can hear the weariness and dismay in your voice and my heart just
breaks my friend. Know that I always keep your family in my prayers.
love Steph

On Sat, 10 May 2008 19:50:59 -0700 (PDT), Stephanie
<sajesqnyc@yahoo.com> wrote:


>
>Oh Sue, I am so sorry to be late in responding; I flew home today
>from Denver (Meg graduated Thursday) so I have been away from the
>computer a lot of the time.
>
>I am glad you have seen the baby, and that despite all the trauma and
>upset you can continue to be a positive influence in Julianna (and
>Liz's life). The story of Monster just blew me away - she must must
>MUST see that this is not a healthy environment for a child (for
>anyone, much less a child).

She's desperate for something. I don't know what. She has always had
a crappy relationship with her mother who is sure that she did nothing
wrong in the mothering department.
It really hurts to see the baby and I almost wish I hadn't. I'm
afraid of getting too close and then something awful happening.

>
>I can hear the weariness and dismay in your voice and my heart just
>breaks my friend. Know that I always keep your family in my prayers.

Thanks, Sweetie.
Sue

>love Steph

On Sat, 10 May 2008 18:44:39 -0700 (PDT), Pam
<PFaust@fortune-johnson.com> wrote:

>On May 10, 6:13*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
>> On Sat, 10 May 2008 21:56:14 +0000 (UTC), Jsteam <fftN...@main.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>> >Sue I am so sorry for this horrid situation, and promist to pray for the baby.
>>
>> Thanks. *She needs all the help she can get. *So sweet, so innocent,
>> so trusting. *Breaks my heart.
>> Sue
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> >Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> penned.wrote.stated:
>> >: On Sat, 10 May 2008 12:03:42 -0700 (PDT), writer272002
>> >: <writer272...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> >:>And PS. We all care, silly, not just Stephanie! :P
>>
>> >: I felt awful pinging just Stephanie. *I knew there had been other
>> >: people who had commented and offered support, but I couldn't remember
>> >: for the damned life of me who it was (CRAFT). *The posts were, IIRC
>> >: (and I don't do that very well), buried in another thread and I didn't
>> >: know which one. *Shoulda done a Google search. *I'm so sorry. *If we
>> >: didn't have so many nice people here it would be easy to remember!
>> >: Sue *- Hide quoted text -
>>
>> - Show quoted text -
>
>Sweetie - Breaks my heart. You can't control other people's actions. I
>have a gun if you need one.

Thanks for making me smile. Although I don't have a gun I have access
to lots...and lots....and lots.
Thanks, Pam.
Sue

It sounds like she's looking for the security that she never had with
her mother. It is astounding what we can mistakeningly interpret to
be security - abuse, disparagement, control, denigration. Plus, it
sounds like in his own upside down world that Monster may be a big
fish in his pond, which has its own twisted appeal, especially to a
young girl. Is it possible that if she got more support at home that
she wouldn't be so drawn to this underworld? Could you make a case for
this to her oh-so-perfect mother?

I am also worried about your being so close to this madness while
feeling so impotent to change it. Please try to remember that
whatever time you have with Julianna and Liz that they are bettered by
it. You are a strong role model to Liz whether or not she will live
in accordance with your counsel or example (as I know you're not big
on the advice front). You may not be able to see your influence on
Liz but I guarantee it is operative. It may just take time to sink in
and to get her to act on it.

love Stephanie

On May 10, 12:17*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
> Things aren't going too well except that I've gotten to see Julianna
> three times this week. *Elizabeth made up with her mother enough that
> they went to the fair together last Sunday so my daughter called me
> Sunday night before she took Liz "home" so I could go visit.
> Unfortunately, "home" is back with the abusive boyfriend who I
> *thought* was a gangsta wannabe but is, apparently, not wannabe but
> is. *A couple of weeks ago there was the very rare murder here at a
> house out in the country. *Something like 300 to 500 people there.
> Gang related. *Some 18 year old was shot point blank in the face
> (obviously died) and another guy was shot in the back while running
> away (didn't die - damn it). *I'm sure you can see by my reaction that
> the one who was running away was the boyfriend whose gang name is
> Monster. *The bullet went in and out of his shoulder - just tunneled
> under the skin. *Wish the guy had been a better shot. *For a couple of
> days no one would tell the police anything and then, next thing in the
> news was that someone had been arrested. *Rumor has it that Monster
> was the one who told and now *his* gang (the Nortenos) want to kill
> him because they wanted to "get" the guy who did the shooting and now
> they can't because he's in police custody and when he goes to prison
> he will have gang "creds". *I hope this rumor isn't true since Liz is
> at his house again.
> Ya know, I wasn't raised with all this. *My children weren't raised
> with all this except for what was *around* them but not "with" them,
> if you know what I mean. *Very disheartening. *Very scary.
> At least, Julianna looks very well cared for. *She looks healthy and
> is smiling. *I hadn't seen her in a month. *Liz had to come into my
> office a couple of times this week (brought in by her other grandma)
> so I got to see the baby there too.
> Even though this has been really stressful for me and I've lost a lot
> of sleep I don't even think about smoking. *I believe I've gotten
> beyond the stress trigger business.
> Sue

(((Sue))) I have a cousin with two very young children - her partner
is a very similar character to the boyfriend - I have seen the
devastation this has caused to her close family - the only breathing
space are his prisons stints - which are often not nearly long enough
- so to some extent I can emphathis with your situation and my heart
goes out to you.

Karen x

On Mon, 12 May 2008 08:00:15 -0700 (PDT), Karen
<sendkaren@hotmail.com> wrote:

>On May 10, 12:17*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
>> Things aren't going too well except that I've gotten to see Julianna
>> three times this week. *Elizabeth made up with her mother enough that
>> they went to the fair together last Sunday so my daughter called me
>> Sunday night before she took Liz "home" so I could go visit.
>> Unfortunately, "home" is back with the abusive boyfriend who I
>> *thought* was a gangsta wannabe but is, apparently, not wannabe but
>> is. *A couple of weeks ago there was the very rare murder here at a
>> house out in the country. *Something like 300 to 500 people there.
>> Gang related. *Some 18 year old was shot point blank in the face
>> (obviously died) and another guy was shot in the back while running
>> away (didn't die - damn it). *I'm sure you can see by my reaction that
>> the one who was running away was the boyfriend whose gang name is
>> Monster. *The bullet went in and out of his shoulder - just tunneled
>> under the skin. *Wish the guy had been a better shot. *For a couple of
>> days no one would tell the police anything and then, next thing in the
>> news was that someone had been arrested. *Rumor has it that Monster
>> was the one who told and now *his* gang (the Nortenos) want to kill
>> him because they wanted to "get" the guy who did the shooting and now
>> they can't because he's in police custody and when he goes to prison
>> he will have gang "creds". *I hope this rumor isn't true since Liz is
>> at his house again.
>> Ya know, I wasn't raised with all this. *My children weren't raised
>> with all this except for what was *around* them but not "with" them,
>> if you know what I mean. *Very disheartening. *Very scary.
>> At least, Julianna looks very well cared for. *She looks healthy and
>> is smiling. *I hadn't seen her in a month. *Liz had to come into my
>> office a couple of times this week (brought in by her other grandma)
>> so I got to see the baby there too.
>> Even though this has been really stressful for me and I've lost a lot
>> of sleep I don't even think about smoking. *I believe I've gotten
>> beyond the stress trigger business.
>> Sue
>
>(((Sue))) I have a cousin with two very young children - her partner
>is a very similar character to the boyfriend - I have seen the
>devastation this has caused to her close family - the only breathing
>space are his prisons stints - which are often not nearly long enough
>- so to some extent I can emphathis with your situation and my heart
>goes out to you.
>
>Karen x

Thanks, Karen. I just don't understand these girls/women. I know
there's a whole load of studies and psychology stuff on the issue.
There is so much dysfunction between my daughter and granddaughter
it's just sad.
I hope your cousin comes to her senses.
Sue