PLEASE Pray if you want or can

It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds for
it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
with depression.
I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
depression?
I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
really think it matters little to them.
An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well because
of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.

DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his people,
us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am a
grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
SHIT, I gotta go.

--
AZ

On Dec 9, 5:42 pm, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds for
> it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
> with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well because
> of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
> early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
> on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
> Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his people,
> us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am a
> grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
> back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
> Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ

AZ...
I'm so sorry to hear the shocking news of Mark.
I dont have the answers as to why things happen the way they do, and
how unfair and painful this world is.
You're in my thoughts. I feel for you.
(((((((((((((((( AZ )))))))))))))))))))
Please take carte of yourself...and keep posting if you have
to...We're all here.
Steve

Rest in peace, Mark. At times, life makes no sense but, to me, the
uncertainty makes the time we have precious. If you cannot be with your
kids, at least take the time to let them know they are loved. They
may not show it, but is does matter.

Hugs,

Maude

I am so sorry to hear about your friend Mark. I will be praying for
him, his family and for you.

Big hug.
Ashley

I shall pray for your friend and family. For the craving and depression,
well...I have to admit that somedaysI do'nt even
put on my day clothes and shoes, it's been raining a lot latey, so that
before I get ready to go down to the corner shop for fags I am back to
my senses. But how long can I afford to do this?
There's got to be light somewhere, let us hope AZ.

A big hug.
E

"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Ma_6j.13808$Mu4.10319@bignews7.bellsouth.net. ..
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
> coupled with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
> Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
> the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
> bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
> a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ
>

(((((((((AZ, Mark, And Loved Ones))))))))))))



AZ wrote:
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds for
> it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
> with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well because
> of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
> early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
> on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
> Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his people,
> us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am a
> grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
> back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
> Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ

On Sun, 9 Dec 2007 16:42:07 -0600, "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds for
>it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
>with depression.
>I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
>for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
>hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
>depression?
>I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
>divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
>punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
>really think it matters little to them.
>An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
>instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well because
>of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
>early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
>on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
>Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
>DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his people,
>us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am a
>grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
>back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
>Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
>SHIT, I gotta go.

AZ, I'm so sorry. So much for you to deal with. You already know
that smoking and drinking won't help. Maude is right with her advice
about your kids - be sure to let them know that you love them even
though you can't be with them. In the long run it *will* matter. My
thoughts are with you and your friend's family. There is never a good
time for something like this to happen, but Christmas.....
Don't let any of this weaken your faith - in God or in yourself.
Sue

For the last 2 hours all I managed is weeping. How the hell does God choose
his "victims?" Mark was a God loving, Church going person with Great kids
and a wonderful wife. Mark donated % of his salary to Jerry's Kids for the
last years. Where is fairness? Where does exactly God stand on this
issue. I am not going any deeper into this. I just want to say: "God, if
you are out there, there are a lot more people worthy of dying thank Mark
Rubin, so what the hell is your problem?"
Nothing has rattled my faith like today's events. I used to consider myself
a good Catholic. But now...I don't know what I am.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I know this is the wrong
forum, but you are my friends. I have no body. I am a branch from a tree
in NY that ended up in Louisiana somehow, and found you as my friends

--
AZ
"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Ma_6j.13808$Mu4.10319@bignews7.bellsouth.net. ..
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
> coupled with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
> Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
> the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
> bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
> a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ
>

Thank you Ashley. I wanna say God bless you, but I don't know if I believe
any more or not. Thank you for your kind words

--
AZ
"writer272002" <writer272002@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:05abeb94-cb46-4199-bb44-ca234296e44b@y5g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
>I am so sorry to hear about your friend Mark. I will be praying for
> him, his family and for you.
>
> Big hug.
> Ashley

Thank you Steve. This is too much to take for me, and I really don't know
what to do.

--
AZ
"SilentNight" <M.BetterOff@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:65c4d2c7-015d-4254-86ff-300685725696@a35g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
> On Dec 9, 5:42 pm, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
>> for
>> it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
>> with depression.
>> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been
>> quit
>> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
>> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
>> depression?
>> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
>> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
>> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and
>> I
>> really think it matters little to them.
>> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became
>> an
>> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
>> because
>> of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
>> early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
>> Newark
>> on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
>> Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>>
>> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
>> people,
>> us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I
>> am a
>> grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
>> back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
>> Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
>> SHIT, I gotta go.
>>
>> --
>> AZ
>
> AZ...
> I'm so sorry to hear the shocking news of Mark.
> I dont have the answers as to why things happen the way they do, and
> how unfair and painful this world is.
> You're in my thoughts. I feel for you.
> (((((((((((((((( AZ )))))))))))))))))))
> Please take carte of yourself...and keep posting if you have
> to...We're all here.
> Steve

I know there is a light, E. I just cannot see it, and I thing someone blew
it out.

--
AZ
"eleonora66" <eleonora66@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:b6%6j.1267$eU4.301@newsfe4-win.ntli.net...
>I shall pray for your friend and family. For the craving and depression,
>well...I have to admit that somedaysI do'nt even
> put on my day clothes and shoes, it's been raining a lot latey, so that
> before I get ready to go down to the corner shop for fags I am back to
> my senses. But how long can I afford to do this?
> There's got to be light somewhere, let us hope AZ.
>
> A big hug.
> E
>
> "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:Ma_6j.13808$Mu4.10319@bignews7.bellsouth.net. ..
>> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
>> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
>> coupled with depression.
>> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been
>> quit for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by
>> the hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
>> depression?
>> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
>> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
>> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and
>> I really think it matters little to them.
>> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became
>> an instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
>> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
>> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo
>> to Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning
>> in the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>>
>> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
>> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
>> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will
>> NOT bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three
>> kids and a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
>> SHIT, I gotta go.
>>
>> --
>> AZ
>>
>
>

Thank you

--
AZ
"Marvin The Paranoid Android" <marvinparanoidandroid@hotmail.com> wrote in
message
news:0d8c174f-6c98-45be-965a-23a285201e1d@t1g2000pra.googlegroups.com...
> (((((((((AZ, Mark, And Loved Ones))))))))))))
>
>
>
> AZ wrote:
>> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
>> for
>> it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
>> with depression.
>> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been
>> quit
>> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
>> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
>> depression?
>> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
>> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
>> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and
>> I
>> really think it matters little to them.
>> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became
>> an
>> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
>> because
>> of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
>> early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
>> Newark
>> on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
>> Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>>
>> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
>> people,
>> us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I
>> am a
>> grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
>> back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
>> Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
>> SHIT, I gotta go.
>>
>> --
>> AZ

I appreciate what you said, Sue, but give me one good reason to continue my
belief when God decided to make a widow and three orphans just before
Christmas? I know I am in a rage right now, but why? I just wanna know is
all. Is that too much to ask for?

--
AZ
"Sue" <sebrady@thegrid.net> wrote in message
news:9g0pl31anvdal83j3omajgjkffuvfr0b82@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 9 Dec 2007 16:42:07 -0600, "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
> wrote:
>
>>It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
>>for
>>it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
>>with depression.
>>I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
>>for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
>>hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
>>depression?
>>I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
>>divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
>>punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
>>really think it matters little to them.
>>An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
>>instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
>>because
>>of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
>>early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
>>on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
>>Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>>
>>DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
>>people,
>>us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am
>>a
>>grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
>>back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
>>Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>>Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
>>SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> AZ, I'm so sorry. So much for you to deal with. You already know
> that smoking and drinking won't help. Maude is right with her advice
> about your kids - be sure to let them know that you love them even
> though you can't be with them. In the long run it *will* matter. My
> thoughts are with you and your friend's family. There is never a good
> time for something like this to happen, but Christmas.....
> Don't let any of this weaken your faith - in God or in yourself.
> Sue
>

Thanks, Maude. Your words ring true. I don't know if Mark is resting in
Peace. He did not say good bye to anybody before leaving. I just don't
know whay God does what he does.

--
AZ
"Maude" <squirrel@rodent.net> wrote in message
news:475c7cc9$0$9632$4c368faf@roadrunner.com...
> Rest in peace, Mark. At times, life makes no sense but, to me, the
> uncertainty makes the time we have precious. If you cannot be with your
> kids, at least take the time to let them know they are loved. They may
> not show it, but is does matter.
>
> Hugs,
>
> Maude

i am so sorry for your loss..................have you talked to your
physician about your depression?
there really ARE medications out there that work!





"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Ma_6j.13808$Mu4.10319@bignews7.bellsouth.net. ..
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
> coupled with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
> Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
> the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
> bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
> a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ
>

I'm over here in GA, sending you big ol hugs there in LA

AZ,

I will muster up a prayer for you. I know, it makes no sense why
such horrible things happen. God, if there is one, knows my anger.
Saddnes, too. And what the hell good does depression do?
I have no answers.
But, for what it is worth, my heart goes out to you.

jacks

"AZ" < wrote in message ..
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
> coupled with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
> Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
> the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
> bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
> a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ
>

On Sun, 9 Dec 2007 19:01:35 -0600, "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>I appreciate what you said, Sue, but give me one good reason to continue my
>belief when God decided to make a widow and three orphans just before
>Christmas? I know I am in a rage right now, but why? I just wanna know is
>all. Is that too much to ask for?

I can't answer any of your questions because I'm not a religious
person. You have no idea how much I wish I were. That is why I hope
you can hang on dearly to your beliefs.
Sue

On Dec 9, 8:12 pm, "jacks" <ja...@nospam.corn> wrote:
> AZ,
>
> I will muster up a prayer for you. I know, it makes no sense why
> such horrible things happen. God, if there is one, knows my anger.
> Saddnes, too. And what the hell good does depression do?
> I have no answers.
> But, for what it is worth, my heart goes out to you.
>
> jacks
>
>
>
> "AZ" < wrote in message ..
> > It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
> > for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
> > coupled with depression.
> > I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> > for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> > hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> > depression?
> > I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> > divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> > punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> > really think it matters little to them.
> > An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> > instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
> > because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
> > in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
> > Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
> > the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> > DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
> > people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
> > it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
> > bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
> > a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> > Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> > SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> > --
> > AZ- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

God IS with you and with the children and the widow. You say "WHY"?
Why is the govenment taking "God" out of all of the important things
in our life? Why take "God" out of the currency and the constistution
and the bill of rights? Here's a different take on everything - let's
vote every SOB in congress out of office. Let's vote for "new people"
who haven't become corrupt with the current system of lobbyists and
special interest groups. I don't care what political party they are
affiliated with - let's get rid of the assholes and start anew. Let's
let the people speak. We have to do something before it's too late.
Pam

>DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his people,
>us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am a
>grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
>back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
>Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.

You're asking questions even the wisest among us can't answer. I've
been comforted many times by the thought that God's answers to our
prayers is sometimes "no." I can't even get close to even thinking I
know "why." Sometimes things just are.

It may never get better, but it will certainly get easier. Many years
ago, when we were in our mid 30s, my very best friend, Kim, died very
unexpectedly and very quickly. Pulmonary embolism. One morning she
was alive & vibrant and that night she was dead. I still mourn the
loss of such a special, talented, caring person, but I can now
remember her with a smile. Sometimes a huge smile.

Time doesn't heal wounds, but it does make them easier to bear. Hold
your good memories close to your heart.

You, Mark and his family are in my prayers.

--
BessieBee

"My face, I don't mind it because I am behind it.
It's the folks out front that get the jolt."
~My Grandma, 1898-1981~

"AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in
news:vd07j.32754$L%6.9172@bignews3.bellsouth.net:

> I appreciate what you said, Sue, but give me one good reason to
> continue my belief when God decided to make a widow and three orphans
> just before Christmas? I know I am in a rage right now, but why? I
> just wanna know is all. Is that too much to ask for?
>

May you find strength during this time AZ.

My initial thoughts were to not post to this topic, because the
expressions of one's own beliefs can frequently lead to misunderstanding
or result in hurt feelings. But I do want to take that chance just to
share with you an idea.

What if God did NOT take these lives? What if in addition to giving
human beings free will, God also doesn't interfer in our lives? What if
God is grieving with you at this very moment?

Apart from that, if you have a minister, priest, or other clergy member
you trust, this might be a good time to consult with that person.

Take care AZ and sending my warmest thoughts your way and for the
family.


---
Wayne Baker
Cold Turkey Quit Date: August 4, 2007
Nicotine Free: 4M 5d 10h
Not Smoked: 3,702
$$ Better Spent: $610.83

On Dec 9, 5:42�pm, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> It's a killer. �It sure ruins your day or week end or life. �I take Meds for
> it, but the attacks have been frequent. �It's more of an anxiety coupled
> with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. �I have been quit
> for 6 months. �The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. �How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. �Both ofmy
> divorces happened in December. �I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. �She became an
> instant WIDOW! �One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well because
> of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
> early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
> on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
> Poconos. �All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? �What the hell is God doing to his people,
> us? �Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? �Where are they, damn it? �I am a
> grown man, weeping like a baby. �Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
> back, but God had no right to take him. �He left three kids and a widow.
> Why? �WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ

AZ, you have my heartfelt sympathy. Having lived with grief since I
was a child, I long ago learned that railing against death doesn't
help. You are alive. All who are alive leave behind them friends,
relatives, beloved family members and friends.

I know that this may not be the answer for you since you rail against
god and other deities. My mother died when I was six or seven. I'm
still not sure of the year, but it had to be around 1939 or 1940. I
remember going to the 1939 World's Fair in NY. My Aunt Frieda took
me. I had a penny and there was a man who had a machine that could
make a souvenir of the Fair out of a penny. I had one made for my
mother who was in the hospital. So you see I have lived a long time.
I have two grown sons and I am sure I would be distraught if anything
ever happened to them. But I cannot ask any kind of god why this
happened.

I am an atheist. I have been examining the entire question of
religion and guilt and morality for many years. I used to say that I
was an ethical humanist, until I realized I was fudging the issue.
Yes, I embrace many of the tenets of the Judeo-Christian thinking.
But that does not make me a religious person. I searched many
churches and found no edification except for the Unitarians. But even
that was too constricting for me. I needed to think my way through.

I don't know if this is any help to you. If it gives you peace, by
all means, rail against god. But I have always told myself, when I
have been in pain and anguish, " Pull up your socks, girl, and get on
with it."

AZ, I think you are fairly young, at least compared to me. I count
myself so fortunate to have lived long enough to see my sons, in their
40's, successful professional men, From this I have learned that if
you keep on keeping on, despite the pain of day to day, there will
come a time of peace, of genuine happiness. And I wish that for you.

One of the things that makes me so content is that with the help of
AS3 I was able to quit smoking 10 years ago. Before that, smoking was
my answer to every single one of life's set backs. Not any more. If
I bump up against a difficulty, I simply take a deep breath and try to
figure out what it's really all about. And if that doesn't do it, I
come here to AS3, my life saver.

So stick with us, AZ, let us help you through this really rough period
in your life. There was a time when I did not see my sons. But I
always kept a place for them in my home and in my heart. Now we are
in almost constant contact. Either by phone or email or visits. One
of them lives in Chicago, so I don't see him so often but he was here
for Thanksgiving. The other tries to balance his visits to his father
and to me. His father lives in upstate NY while I live in the city.
We were all together for Thanksgiving. Along with my two sons lady
loves. Melinda and Debby. It was very nice.

I will be thinking of you, AZ, and if there is any way I can help you
through this time, please let me know.

Joyce

I'm so sorry Az.

I have not yet found a religion that says that nothing bad will happen if
you be a good person. In fact, in MY "love letter from God", it promises me
that I will suffer persecution, trials and tribulations, and it has many
examples of other great people who suffered a lot.

When I got sober, I fired that punishing "radar gun" God who waits around
the corner with a big hammer and smashes you down when you least expect it.
I didn't want that kind of God anymore. I would never try to talk you out
of believing in your God, though, just sharing what I believe because you
are asking.

Since then I have seen and been in some heartbreaking situations, but I have
always seen how God moved and my God can turn it to good, no matter how bad
it is He can make it meaningful and purposeful and good. But that's just my
God, and I'm not trying to sell Him to you or anything. I belive that that
"other guy" is one who intervenes and causes the death, destruction, and
heartbreak.

Early in my sobriety, I started making my daughter go to bed at the same
time every night. She was resistant, and cried for a while. Every night
when she would cry it would just tear my heart out. I would lay on the
couch and cry too. One day when I was going through a tough time with I
don't remember what, I was crying about something, and I had this vision of
my God, laying on His couch and crying with me, the same way I "greived"
with my daughter when I was doing what I believed was best for her, putting
her to bed.

That vision has never left me. Oh, and I have been mad as can be at my God
too, and let Him know about it when I need to. It works for me. I have
found a faith that works for me. I pray that you might find one that works
for you, where you can believe in the kind of God you really want to have.

I am praying for Mark's family this morning. May he be dancing before HIS
God right now, whole, unhurt, and full of joy and peace.

With hope and heart,
Kathleen


----- Original Message -----
From: "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.support.stop-smoking
Sent: Sunday, December 09, 2007 4:42 PM
Subject: PLEASE Pray if you want or can


> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
> coupled with depression.
> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
> depression?
> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
> Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
> the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
> bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
> a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
> SHIT, I gotta go.
>
> --
> AZ
>

AZ! I am so sorry to read of Mark's untimely death. We are
programmed to expect a 'full and productive life' of 3 score & 10
according to one of the lines of the Bible and when that is not the
case it is that much harder to accept. But life is fleeting and we
all will die sooner or later. It is up to us, the living, to make the
most of out life as it honours the dead as much as gives strength to
all of us.

Hugs are about the best thing I can offer you right now, my friend.

FlatironMike
Nine months, four weeks, one day, 11 hours, 0 minutes and 8 seconds.
6049 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,814.75. Life saved: 3 weeks, 5
minutes.

AZ, you and your friends will be in my prayers. and...Ditto what Wayne said.

Hugs
Karen aka Blue Eyes VOF
"Wayne" <nospamloansarranger@cox.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9A01DC465464Ddloansarrangercoxnet@69.28.18 6.120...
: "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com> wrote in
: news:vd07j.32754$L%6.9172@bignews3.bellsouth.net:
:
: > I appreciate what you said, Sue, but give me one good reason to
: > continue my belief when God decided to make a widow and three orphans
: > just before Christmas? I know I am in a rage right now, but why? I
: > just wanna know is all. Is that too much to ask for?
: >
:
: May you find strength during this time AZ.
:
: My initial thoughts were to not post to this topic, because the
: expressions of one's own beliefs can frequently lead to misunderstanding
: or result in hurt feelings. But I do want to take that chance just to
: share with you an idea.
:
: What if God did NOT take these lives? What if in addition to giving
: human beings free will, God also doesn't interfer in our lives? What if
: God is grieving with you at this very moment?
:
: Apart from that, if you have a minister, priest, or other clergy member
: you trust, this might be a good time to consult with that person.
:
: Take care AZ and sending my warmest thoughts your way and for the
: family.
:
:
: ---
: Wayne Baker
: Cold Turkey Quit Date: August 4, 2007
: Nicotine Free: 4M 5d 10h
: Not Smoked: 3,702
: $$ Better Spent: $610.83
:

On Dec 9, 4:42 pm, "AZ" <zikra.nos...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds for
> it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety coupled
> with depression.

Yep..depression sucks! You have to deal with it though. There are meds
out there that deal with both the depression side and the anxiety
side. I'm with you here. I take my meds every day and I make sure that
I don't surround myself with things that I know will trigger an
attack. It may sound stupid, but you have to make the choice to be
healthy.


> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
> really think it matters little to them.
I can't imagine not seeing my kids for Christmas, but if it's that
important to you and them, then you'll figure out a way to see them.
You know what they say, if there's a will, there's a way.


> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well because
> of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back in the
> early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to Newark
> on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in the
> Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.

I'm sorry...........
>
> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his people,
> us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn it? I am a
> grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT bring Mark
> back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and a widow.
> Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?

God didn't *do* this. Did God allow it to happen? Yes. But He didn't
do it. You can be mad at Him, He can take it. He's the only one who
can take that kind of anger. If you were to lash out that way at any
human, they would be devastated. God wants you to take you anger to
Him. He can heal you too, if you allow Him to. You asked where Jesus
your protector was, He's standing right next to you waiting for you to
fall into His arms and allow Him to comfort you now. He's there, you
just need to believe it.

> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.

Done. And I'll pray for you too.

Jenn ~ 007
10+ months

Kathleen, I was waiting for you to post to this thread because I knew
you would have some really good thoughts to offer to AZ. You've given
*me* good thoughts, too.
Sue

On Mon, 10 Dec 2007 06:24:25 -0600, "Kathleen"
<lovebirds1201@hotmail.com> wrote:

>I'm so sorry Az.
>
>I have not yet found a religion that says that nothing bad will happen if
>you be a good person. In fact, in MY "love letter from God", it promises me
>that I will suffer persecution, trials and tribulations, and it has many
>examples of other great people who suffered a lot.
>
>When I got sober, I fired that punishing "radar gun" God who waits around
>the corner with a big hammer and smashes you down when you least expect it.
>I didn't want that kind of God anymore. I would never try to talk you out
>of believing in your God, though, just sharing what I believe because you
>are asking.
>
>Since then I have seen and been in some heartbreaking situations, but I have
>always seen how God moved and my God can turn it to good, no matter how bad
>it is He can make it meaningful and purposeful and good. But that's just my
>God, and I'm not trying to sell Him to you or anything. I belive that that
>"other guy" is one who intervenes and causes the death, destruction, and
>heartbreak.
>
>Early in my sobriety, I started making my daughter go to bed at the same
>time every night. She was resistant, and cried for a while. Every night
>when she would cry it would just tear my heart out. I would lay on the
>couch and cry too. One day when I was going through a tough time with I
>don't remember what, I was crying about something, and I had this vision of
>my God, laying on His couch and crying with me, the same way I "greived"
>with my daughter when I was doing what I believed was best for her, putting
>her to bed.
>
>That vision has never left me. Oh, and I have been mad as can be at my God
>too, and let Him know about it when I need to. It works for me. I have
>found a faith that works for me. I pray that you might find one that works
>for you, where you can believe in the kind of God you really want to have.
>
>I am praying for Mark's family this morning. May he be dancing before HIS
>God right now, whole, unhurt, and full of joy and peace.
>
>With hope and heart,
>Kathleen
>
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "AZ" <zikra.nospam@yahoo.com>
>Newsgroups: alt.support.stop-smoking
>Sent: Sunday, December 09, 2007 4:42 PM
>Subject: PLEASE Pray if you want or can
>
>
>> It's a killer. It sure ruins your day or week end or life. I take Meds
>> for it, but the attacks have been frequent. It's more of an anxiety
>> coupled with depression.
>> I have not even opened my front door yesterday or today. I have been quit
>> for 6 months. The urge to smoke is there and it has been growing by the
>> hour. How come there is no Med like Chantix that will just kill the
>> depression?
>> I am not a Ba Humbug, but I never cared for the Holidays. Both of my
>> divorces happened in December. I live in Louisiana (isn't that enough
>> punishment?) I cannot see my kids this X-mass for financial reasons, and I
>> really think it matters little to them.
>> An hour ago I got a call from one of my best friends' wife. She became an
>> instant WIDOW! One of my best friends, Mark, (My son's name as well
>> because of that) whom I flew with for Braniff International Airways back
>> in the early 80's, was transporting a flight crew of three from Buffalo to
>> Newark on a private Cessna 310 and he crashed at 4:05 am this morning in
>> the Poconos. All four were pronounced dead on the scene.
>>
>> DOES IT EVER FUCKING GET BETTER? What the hell is God doing to his
>> people, us? Where is Jesus Christ, our protector? Where are they, damn
>> it? I am a grown man, weeping like a baby. Smoking and drinking will NOT
>> bring Mark back, but God had no right to take him. He left three kids and
>> a widow. Why? WHY, GOD, WHY?
>> Please say a prayer for Mark Rubin, and his widow and wife.
>> SHIT, I gotta go.
>>
>> --
>> AZ
>>

Thank you Sue!! Really, because I am super sensitive to people pushing
beliefs on me, and when I come across as pushy or get accused of it, it
really hurts my feelings. Sometimes I do get overexcited and then people
misunderstand.

Hugs,
Kathleen


> Kathleen, I was waiting for you to post to this thread because I knew
> you would have some really good thoughts to offer to AZ. You've given
> *me* good thoughts, too.
> Sue


>>I'm so sorry Az.
>>
>>I have not yet found a religion that says that nothing bad will happen if
>>you be a good person. In fact, in MY "love letter from God", it promises
>>me
>>that I will suffer persecution, trials and tribulations, and it has many
>>examples of other great people who suffered a lot.
>>
>>When I got sober, I fired that punishing "radar gun" God who waits around
>>the corner with a big hammer and smashes you down when you least expect
>>it.
>>I didn't want that kind of God anymore. I would never try to talk you out
>>of believing in your God, though, just sharing what I believe because you
>>are asking.
>>
>>Since then I have seen and been in some heartbreaking situations, but I
>>have
>>always seen how God moved and my God can turn it to good, no matter how
>>bad
>>it is He can make it meaningful and purposeful and good. But that's just
>>my
>>God, and I'm not trying to sell Him to you or anything. I belive that
>>that
>>"other guy" is one who intervenes and causes the death, destruction, and
>>heartbreak.
>>
>>Early in my sobriety, I started making my daughter go to bed at the same
>>time every night. She was resistant, and cried for a while. Every night
>>when she would cry it would just tear my heart out. I would lay on the
>>couch and cry too. One day when I was going through a tough time with I
>>don't remember what, I was crying about something, and I had this vision
>>of
>>my God, laying on His couch and crying with me, the same way I "greived"
>>with my daughter when I was doing what I believed was best for her,
>>putting
>>her to bed.
>>
>>That vision has never left me. Oh, and I have been mad as can be at my
>>God
>>too, and let Him know about it when I need to. It works for me. I have
>>found a faith that works for me. I pray that you might find one that
>>works
>>for you, where you can believe in the kind of God you really want to have.
>>
>>I am praying for Mark's family this morning. May he be dancing before HIS
>>God right now, whole, unhurt, and full of joy and peace.
>>
>>With hope and heart,
>>Kathleen