smoke dream

I just had a smoke dream after not having one in a long time. It wasn't
particularly interesting or memorable - but it has an insideous quality to
it. I left me with the memory of recently having had a smoke - just one
smoke and then no more. And that one smoke wasn't a problem. Just one
smoke. No problem.

When I realized the memory was there I remembered it was a dream - from 2 or
3 days ago. And this is the first time I remembered it.

In the actual history of my smoking addiction, at first I couldn't stop
smoking for even a whole day. That's how I was for about 20 years. During
those years there were many times I tried to stop - but I couldn't stop for
even one whole day. Eventually I managed a 10 day quit but after those 10
days I went back to smoking for years. Eventually I started having better
success. I could quit for 8 or 10 weeks - but then I would go back to
smoking for a year or two without stopping again for even a day. That isn't
good but it is definitely progress compared to the previous years. As time
went on my success continued to get better and better. I estimate that in
the last 10 or 12 years I had as many non-smoking weeks and months as
smoking weeks and months. So you could say I've been stuck in an
on/off/on/off cycle for a long time. I'm what some here call a 'serial
quitter'. Yep, that's how I been. I been that way for so long I don't
think I should ever describe myself as anything except a serial quitter -
and not even a 'former' serial quitter. With the history I have I should
wait until the day that I'm dead before I say I've had my last smoke.

To my way of thinking the smoking dream I described above is more dangerous
than the usual kind of smoking dream because it wants to work on me like a
clever trick. It left me with what seems like an actual memory (in the
background) of having a smoke and getting away without being trapped in the
addiction again. Like it's Okay. One smoke is just ONE smoke and one smoke
won't barely even hurt me. And after that one smoke I can just choose not
to have any more for a long, long time.

I used to be a drunk and I used to play around with drugs. I was a slave to
alcohol and I was caught up in a kind of lifestyle and attitudes that go
along with drinking and drugs. All of that was easier to let go of than the
nicotine addiction. The nicotine addiction is more persistent and insideous.
Partly because smoking doesn't cause the kind of serious and immediate
social problems that some other addictions cause. There's not so much
pressure for you to quit smoking. But also the nicotine craving has it's
hooks in me at a deeper level than the other cravings I've had to deal with.
That's just how it is for me with nicotine.

In the past year I've had gradual improvement of mysterious, intermittent
physical problems like dizzyness, nausea and ocasional breathing problems.
I had the problems but the doctors didn't find much wrong with me. It's been
about a year since I stopped smoking. Sometimes I can feel some of those
problems faintly in the background, but it's not like it was before. I know
that taking the smoking habit out of the equation has had enormous benefits
both direct and indirect. This is very important for me to remember. Also
I inhabit a much broader psychological world than before, which is
significant for existence in the here-and-now.

I am lucky. I am greatful to have been relieved from the compulsion to
smoke.

Bill S. - smoke-free day 349

You said a whole lot. All I could think to reply is- it gets better. You
know it now Bill!

:-p~~~~~~~ Keven OOF
Don't ever forget why you quit.

"Emerald Saint" <emerald.city@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:-ICdnYkDIsB_NkDbnZ2dnUVZ_gWdnZ2d@comcast.com...
>I just had a smoke dream after not having one in a long time. It wasn't
>particularly interesting or memorable - but it has an insideous quality to
>it. I left me with the memory of recently having had a smoke - just one
>smoke and then no more. And that one smoke wasn't a problem. Just one
>smoke. No problem.
>
> When I realized the memory was there I remembered it was a dream - from 2
> or 3 days ago. And this is the first time I remembered it.
>
> In the actual history of my smoking addiction, at first I couldn't stop
> smoking for even a whole day. That's how I was for about 20 years.
> During those years there were many times I tried to stop - but I couldn't
> stop for even one whole day. Eventually I managed a 10 day quit but after
> those 10 days I went back to smoking for years. Eventually I started
> having better success. I could quit for 8 or 10 weeks - but then I would
> go back to smoking for a year or two without stopping again for even a
> day. That isn't good but it is definitely progress compared to the
> previous years. As time went on my success continued to get better and
> better. I estimate that in the last 10 or 12 years I had as many
> non-smoking weeks and months as smoking weeks and months. So you could
> say I've been stuck in an on/off/on/off cycle for a long time. I'm what
> some here call a 'serial quitter'. Yep, that's how I been. I been that
> way for so long I don't think I should ever describe myself as anything
> except a serial quitter - and not even a 'former' serial quitter. With
> the history I have I should wait until the day that I'm dead before I say
> I've had my last smoke.
>
> To my way of thinking the smoking dream I described above is more
> dangerous than the usual kind of smoking dream because it wants to work on
> me like a clever trick. It left me with what seems like an actual memory
> (in the background) of having a smoke and getting away without being
> trapped in the addiction again. Like it's Okay. One smoke is just ONE
> smoke and one smoke won't barely even hurt me. And after that one smoke I
> can just choose not to have any more for a long, long time.
>
> I used to be a drunk and I used to play around with drugs. I was a slave
> to alcohol and I was caught up in a kind of lifestyle and attitudes that
> go along with drinking and drugs. All of that was easier to let go of
> than the nicotine addiction. The nicotine addiction is more persistent and
> insideous. Partly because smoking doesn't cause the kind of serious and
> immediate social problems that some other addictions cause. There's not
> so much pressure for you to quit smoking. But also the nicotine craving
> has it's hooks in me at a deeper level than the other cravings I've had to
> deal with. That's just how it is for me with nicotine.
>
> In the past year I've had gradual improvement of mysterious, intermittent
> physical problems like dizzyness, nausea and ocasional breathing problems.
> I had the problems but the doctors didn't find much wrong with me. It's
> been about a year since I stopped smoking. Sometimes I can feel some of
> those problems faintly in the background, but it's not like it was before.
> I know that taking the smoking habit out of the equation has had enormous
> benefits both direct and indirect. This is very important for me to
> remember. Also I inhabit a much broader psychological world than before,
> which is significant for existence in the here-and-now.
>
> I am lucky. I am greatful to have been relieved from the compulsion to
> smoke.
>
> Bill S. - smoke-free day 349
>
>
>

Letting you get away with one smoke is sneaky, so I agree.
Usually when I had one I'd wake up steaming mad. Glad I
never had one of these. Don't ever believe your addicted self
Bill, you *know* better by now. One might fuck you right
back into another long struggle to get free. 349 Don't know
if it means anything to you, but I am fucking proud of you.
Robin.
--
Steven Wright.: "Is it weird in here, or is it just me?"
-
"Emerald Saint" <> schreef in bericht ...
>I just had a smoke dream after not having one in a long time. It wasn't
>particularly interesting or memorable - but it has an insideous quality to
>it. I left me with the memory of recently having had a smoke - just one
>smoke and then no more. And that one smoke wasn't a problem. Just one
>smoke. No problem.
>
> When I realized the memory was there I remembered it was a dream - from 2
> or 3 days ago. And this is the first time I remembered it.
>
> In the actual history of my smoking addiction, at first I couldn't stop
> smoking for even a whole day. That's how I was for about 20 years.
> During those years there were many times I tried to stop - but I couldn't
> stop for even one whole day. Eventually I managed a 10 day quit but after
> those 10 days I went back to smoking for years. Eventually I started
> having better success. I could quit for 8 or 10 weeks - but then I would
> go back to smoking for a year or two without stopping again for even a
> day. That isn't good but it is definitely progress compared to the
> previous years. As time went on my success continued to get better and
> better. I estimate that in the last 10 or 12 years I had as many
> non-smoking weeks and months as smoking weeks and months. So you could
> say I've been stuck in an on/off/on/off cycle for a long time. I'm what
> some here call a 'serial quitter'. Yep, that's how I been. I been that
> way for so long I don't think I should ever describe myself as anything
> except a serial quitter - and not even a 'former' serial quitter. With
> the history I have I should wait until the day that I'm dead before I say
> I've had my last smoke.
>
> To my way of thinking the smoking dream I described above is more
> dangerous than the usual kind of smoking dream because it wants to work on
> me like a clever trick. It left me with what seems like an actual memory
> (in the background) of having a smoke and getting away without being
> trapped in the addiction again. Like it's Okay. One smoke is just ONE
> smoke and one smoke won't barely even hurt me. And after that one smoke I
> can just choose not to have any more for a long, long time.
>
> I used to be a drunk and I used to play around with drugs. I was a slave
> to alcohol and I was caught up in a kind of lifestyle and attitudes that
> go along with drinking and drugs. All of that was easier to let go of
> than the nicotine addiction. The nicotine addiction is more persistent and
> insideous. Partly because smoking doesn't cause the kind of serious and
> immediate social problems that some other addictions cause. There's not
> so much pressure for you to quit smoking. But also the nicotine craving
> has it's hooks in me at a deeper level than the other cravings I've had to
> deal with. That's just how it is for me with nicotine.
>
> In the past year I've had gradual improvement of mysterious, intermittent
> physical problems like dizzyness, nausea and ocasional breathing problems.
> I had the problems but the doctors didn't find much wrong with me. It's
> been about a year since I stopped smoking. Sometimes I can feel some of
> those problems faintly in the background, but it's not like it was before.
> I know that taking the smoking habit out of the equation has had enormous
> benefits both direct and indirect. This is very important for me to
> remember. Also I inhabit a much broader psychological world than before,
> which is significant for existence in the here-and-now.
>
> I am lucky. I am greatful to have been relieved from the compulsion to
> smoke.
>
> Bill S. - smoke-free day 349
>
>
>

On Sep 5, 7:15 am, "DutchVanVOFOF" <znib...@fakeAddy.con> wrote:
> Letting you get away with one smoke is sneaky, so I agree.
> Usually when I had one I'd wake up steaming mad. Glad I
> never had one of these. Don't ever believe your addicted self
> Bill, you *know* better by now. One might fuck you right
> back into another long struggle to get free. 349 Don't know
> if it means anything to you, but I am fucking proud of you.
> Robin.
> --
> Steven Wright.: "Is it weird in here, or is it just me?"
> -
> "Emerald Saint" <> schreef in bericht ...
>
>
>
> >I just had a smoke dream after not having one in a long time. It wasn't
> >particularly interesting or memorable - but it has an insideous quality to
> >it. I left me with the memory of recently having had a smoke - just one
> >smoke and then no more. And that one smoke wasn't a problem. Just one
> >smoke. No problem.
>
> > When I realized the memory was there I remembered it was a dream - from 2
> > or 3 days ago. And this is the first time I remembered it.
>
> > In the actual history of my smoking addiction, at first I couldn't stop
> > smoking for even a whole day. That's how I was for about 20 years.
> > During those years there were many times I tried to stop - but I couldn't
> > stop for even one whole day. Eventually I managed a 10 day quit but after
> > those 10 days I went back to smoking for years. Eventually I started
> > having better success. I could quit for 8 or 10 weeks - but then I would
> > go back to smoking for a year or two without stopping again for even a
> > day. That isn't good but it is definitely progress compared to the
> > previous years. As time went on my success continued to get better and
> > better. I estimate that in the last 10 or 12 years I had as many
> > non-smoking weeks and months as smoking weeks and months. So you could
> > say I've been stuck in an on/off/on/off cycle for a long time. I'm what
> > some here call a 'serial quitter'. Yep, that's how I been. I been that
> > way for so long I don't think I should ever describe myself as anything
> > except a serial quitter - and not even a 'former' serial quitter. With
> > the history I have I should wait until the day that I'm dead before I say
> > I've had my last smoke.
>
> > To my way of thinking the smoking dream I described above is more
> > dangerous than the usual kind of smoking dream because it wants to work on
> > me like a clever trick. It left me with what seems like an actual memory
> > (in the background) of having a smoke and getting away without being
> > trapped in the addiction again. Like it's Okay. One smoke is just ONE
> > smoke and one smoke won't barely even hurt me. And after that one smoke I
> > can just choose not to have any more for a long, long time.
>
> > I used to be a drunk and I used to play around with drugs. I was a slave
> > to alcohol and I was caught up in a kind of lifestyle and attitudes that
> > go along with drinking and drugs. All of that was easier to let go of
> > than the nicotine addiction. The nicotine addiction is more persistent and
> > insideous. Partly because smoking doesn't cause the kind of serious and
> > immediate social problems that some other addictions cause. There's not
> > so much pressure for you to quit smoking. But also the nicotine craving
> > has it's hooks in me at a deeper level than the other cravings I've had to
> > deal with. That's just how it is for me with nicotine.
>
> > In the past year I've had gradual improvement of mysterious, intermittent
> > physical problems like dizzyness, nausea and ocasional breathing problems.
> > I had the problems but the doctors didn't find much wrong with me. It's
> > been about a year since I stopped smoking. Sometimes I can feel some of
> > those problems faintly in the background, but it's not like it was before.
> > I know that taking the smoking habit out of the equation has had enormous
> > benefits both direct and indirect. This is very important for me to
> > remember. Also I inhabit a much broader psychological world than before,
> > which is significant for existence in the here-and-now.
>
> > I am lucky. I am greatful to have been relieved from the compulsion to
> > smoke.
>
> > Bill S. - smoke-free day 349- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Hang around.....
---
4w 2d 9:14 smoke-free, 845 cigs not smoked, $99.29 saved, 2d 22:25
life saved

Glad to see you posting Bill! 349 days is wonderful and you are only
a couple of weeks from the Fabled Hot Tubs of AS3. I would wonder if
the dream wasn't a subconscious way of your mind to sabotage your quit
as you approach this milestone? I think we often find that when we
get close to those dates our resolve becomes softer and stinking
thinking can start creeping in. Hang Tuff, don't puff and do post
when you hit OF as my pals, the Gnomes love that party more than
others!!!

FlatironMike
Six months, three weeks, four days, 12 hours, 41 minutes and 14
seconds. 4130 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,238.92. Life saved: 2
weeks, 8 hours, 10 minutes.

Once upon a time, Emerald Saint said:

>I just had a smoke dream after not having one in a long time. It wasn't
>particularly interesting or memorable - but it has an insideous quality to
>it. I left me with the memory of recently having had a smoke - just one
>smoke and then no more. And that one smoke wasn't a problem. Just one
>smoke. No problem.

Thanks for the beautiful post Bill!
I wish this time you are quit for good.

--
Tihomir *I don't smoke anymore*
IRC chat: #nosmokers at irc.starlink.org
irc://irc.starlink.org/nosmokers

.... Help a swallow land at Capistrano.