Not depressed, but suicidal.

[cwood]

I'm 21 [male], I have friends, a happy life, I laugh, I smile but I keep wondering, why do I get up every day? Simply why. I have searched and searched (please, PLEASE, dont bring religion into this, im atheist, that won't change; I mean no offense in this) for a reason to live for and I just can't find one. I find it hard to explain, so I'll tell you this; I could be switched w/ anyone on Earth and I'd still feel the same way, its not dissatisfaction with my life, its disenchantment with life as a whole. I just struggle to find a reason for it.

Note: I probably won't kill myself I just want to stop thinking of it more than twice a week. I realize my problem pales in comparison to some more serious cases but, well, what can you do?

[LianeMT]

Hi Cwood

I do not know how to help you. I just know how you feel and do understand what you are talking about. Very often I ask myself - what's a point of all this. I've got a good education and very good job, planning to have kids, however I have all this not because I want it but because every one else live the same way, my family, my freinds, etc. I do not know, maybe people like you and me did not find themselfs in this life. I strongly belive that there is a reson for everything we just did not find it.
Sorry for not being helpful. I trully wish you luck and a long happy life.

[TherapyTribe]

Suicidal Thought is the part of bipolar disorder
Some people with bipolar disorder become suicidal. Anyone who is thinking about committing suicide needs immediate attention, preferably from a mental health professional or a physician. Anyone who talks about suicide should be taken seriously. Risk for suicide appears to be higher earlier in the course of the illness. Therefore, recognizing bipolar disorder early and learning how best to manage it may decrease the risk of death by suicide.

Signs and symptoms that may accompany suicidal feelings include:

Talking about feeling suicidal or wanting to die
Feeling hopeless, that nothing will ever change or get better
Feeling helpless, that nothing one does makes any difference
Feeling like a burden to family and friends
Abusing alcohol or drugs
Putting affairs in order (e.g., organizing finances or giving away possessions to prepare for one's death)
Writing a suicide note
Putting oneself in harm's way, or in situations where there is a danger of being killed
If you are feeling suicidal or know someone who is:

Call a doctor, emergency room, or 911 right away to get immediate help
Make sure you, or the suicidal person, are not left alone
Make sure that access is prevented to large amounts of medication, weapons, or other items that could be used for self-harm
While some suicide attempts are carefully planned over time, others are impulsive acts that have not been well thought out; thus, the final point in the box above may be a valuable long-term strategy for people with bipolar disorder. Either way, it is important to understand that suicidal feelings and actions are symptoms of an illness that can be treated. With proper treatment, suicidal feelings can be overcome.

[imposter253]

I can sympathize with random thoughts of suicide. I used to get them a lot and my therapist and I decided that it was more obsessional thinking rather than actual intentions of suicide.

I don't want to discount your disassociation of life and it's point but I would like to post my view if it'll help shed some light on the question;

You could kill yourself right now, you could just as easily kill someone else. Suppose that you do kill yourself, or someone else, what have you accomplished? You've changed how everything that used to interact with that thing, whether it was yourself or someone else, by subtracting that object of interaction. There is no more current you to hate, nor love, nor to be indifferent towards, nor to communicate with, nor to touch. Even if someone remembers back to their experience of you or that other, it is only a series of impressions that, over time, got averaged into a memory which, in turn, is unquestionably marked by their own personal biases. This logically leads to there being an actual you, or other, and the effect that that you, or other, has on the world. By disassociating from life, one is ignoring that one has an effect on things beyond them. Put another way, If I killed myself right now, I wouldn't be on the street to give the beggar my spare change. This is an enormous power that everyone has, and when one lulls themselves into a life of pure circumstance (i.e. everyone else is doing it, my family expects it, life worked out this way), one lulls this power to sleep. The only thing is, this power can never be destroyed, it can only be not exercised. This power, I think, is the point to life.

I know it's a bit cerebral, but I hope this helps with these feelings of disillusionment. I send you my good faith

[Quanta]

You are not enjoying this beautiful life instead of that you are searching reasons..So avoid that first and enjoy your life with happiness.God gifted you human being life.