April Wiseman's Day

Hello there, MFW fiends. I've got some gripes.. and some swipes.

I got so sick of all these people in my community complaining about
the weather, about every little thing, then making custom orders for
the future. It's gotten to such a point now (are people getting less
tolerant of G-d?) that my resentments built.. I warned plenty of them,
I told them about Thor.. and the frost giants. Now, as it turns out,
we've got a wonderful April Fool's day surprise. And us Minnesotans
*deserved* it, I should know.. I was there, I felt the pulse of my
community. We got six inches at the international airport.. that's
just about right.. that's just about *perfect*!

I've got another beautiful yet malicious woman to harp on about.

She's another diminutive blonde bombshell, a real killer. In fact,
she's so fuckin' gorgeous that I simply cannot feel sorry for her if
she should ever feel lonely. Because I know that she's so beautiful
that her life is very different from the rest of us; she doesn't have
to suffer. You see, all she has to do to get her lovin' is to go to a
busy bar or club and walk in and, like a supermodel, stroll right in
to the center of the room, the music would abruptly stop (no doubt
with a record swipe sound effect) and she'd turn, slowly, surveying
the men, exuding a cool confidence in her divine feminininity, and one
of the men with a good vantage point would studder nervously to his
fellows: "Wow, she's really buh buh buh buh buh buh buh bonerific!"
and his nearest mates would unquestioningly nod in agreement. Then
this Woman, having made her selections, would point at each man,
drawing the envy of the others, stride out of the establishment, her
men obediently in tow. That's how fuckin' gorgeous she is.

This woman is a real princess: Princess Fuckface!

Princess Fuckface IS a killer. In fact, she's an outright CRIMINAL!
Wanna know why? (I'll tell you anyway) Because she doesn't have a
license for what she carries around with her everyday. That's why. I
know something about the laws of my state, and it's obvious she
doesn't respect them. You see, Princess Fuckface is so bonerifically
beautiful that the very sight of her can cause a man's blood to leave
his head (the one above his shoulders) and brain (by far the highest
consumer of the body's oxygen by weight) to the point where a man can
feint, falling almost instantly unconscious while standing, literally
falling helplessly to the ground, possibly dying! Princess Fuckface is
so goddamned beautiful she's drop-dead gorgeous! And that's illegal.

And there is another problem: Princess Fuckface is really mean. One
time, after she had turned sour on me, and I wonder why she would do
this as she never talked to me, not like a real person anyway, and I
knew not just by her mean disposition but by the bad feeling in my
chest when she drew near, she had the insolence to walk into the
entrance of my workplace and, knowing that I had seen her, simply
stopped there and postured in her body, showing off her revealing
dress and the delicious contents it held so very well. Her beautiful
facial features had contorted to a scowl, a mean scowl of pure malice!
Ohhhhh... my beautiful, special little princess.. you turned sour on
me. And I didn't have to say a word.

For you see, my internet fiends (why can't I ever remember the "R"?),
I, having an education born of Darkness as a Jewish Mystic, know the
feelings in my chest. I am from faulty, dysfunctional Science and the
scathing flames of the House of Swinuel etched into my soul. I
experienced this princess, Princess Fuckface. In fact, I planted
within her, and as people of my kind know very well, once planted
there is a dynamic growth of the seed: "I KNOW you want.. ME." "I KNOW
you want.. ME!" And the feelings underneath that.. Oh yes, my
Princess. I opened you up and watched you blossom, and what a terrible
blossom you became. This is a very intimate Universe, isn't it? My
princess failed. A woman spurned? Scorned? I *have* to watch. I must
be very careful, observant, and honest in the appraisel that follows
from such observations.

Scientists must be very careful to not interfere with what they are
observing, yet in the physics of the very small we find an observer
effect, that the very act of watching somehow changes the effects,
altering our results. It is very difficult. The same is true for
psientists, and don't say there is no body of genuine knowledge that
humanity has amassed over the milleniums. There is. Ken Wilbur (or is
it Wilber?) wrote the book "Science and Spirituality", which I read
many years ago. There was a scientific process involved, a careful
process by which we learned about what it means to exist on the human
level in our world. I've been reading many books, Ph Ds, MDs,
psychologists, therapists, shamans, fans of psychedelics from the 60's
and 70's. Are they all kooks? What about the older texts? Some people
have had the gumption to threaten me with therapy. That would be in
the right, ultimately. You see, I've seen a Jewish family therapist,
and was unimpressed. And I've had dreams during my time under that
therapist. My therapist's face erupted in a constellation of pimples..
her androgen levels must have escalated to the point she could have
learned from the bodybuilders who "juice" to reduce her acne. She
experienced my "juice". As did the aggressive little girl Raw-Ho. And
Raw-Ho was a beautiful little girl from the mystical side of life..
and so aggressive! I have met child molesters, yes, oh yes I have. One
of my child molesters was Raw-Ho, from a very powerful mystical family
of Jews. She couldn't stay away, would not be sated, she was an
aggressive, tenacious, merciless, fiery young soul riding my astral
back. Riding my back SO HARD! Oh yes, Rabbi, her face erupted in
boils. And I'm sure you had something to do with that. Serves her
right. I was in pain from that. I can't forget the look on her face,
after the eruption, that holyday's night, at your dinner table. She
deserved it!

But back to science. I know that my past, in some magical way, is
still in my present. You can rationalize it as resonant wave-fields
emanating from neurological organs, interacting on a local level with
the body/mind fields and of course non-locally through some concept of
the implicate order and such.. patterns of activity in our mighty
brains, without true conscious awareness or intention that a person's
past, be it emotional abuse or the rapture of love.. somehow remains,
a shadow, a subconscious.. or superconscious? It is an aspect of our
consciousness that we carry, bodhichitta, karma, whatever. The
subtleties of feeling another, sensing a person's psyche and all the
subtle impressions that can arise from it. The uncultured,
unsophisticated, unbalanced, unrestrained, mundane people who populate
this meaningless, decadent country react to a real soul's emanations
like animals. They react, they don't interpret and integrate it
carefully, genuinely hoping to achieve understanding. And so it was
with my princess. She drew from me and became even worse. She doesn't
have the mind, the soul to refrain from the bad feelings in me. She
just reacts to it. She has her own past, and I mine. It's a bad mix. I
don't have to engage in my darkness, there is no "spell" or magickal
method. There is no repetitive manipulation, just words, sent into the
"ether".. with my own feelings and intentions.

And if my darling, special, little princess had read of my own
writings, similar to the above, and had her own intentions? That would
be very bad, if she was not a kind soul. And I felt it. I got it. I
get it. Princess Fuckface may like to titillate and torment with her
straws, and of course if she "knew" me then she knew my...
vulnerability, especially if she had plenty of time to feel me out..

I Had a Dream:

My precious little Princess Fuckface moved once, during her time
enmeshed within my psionic field. I had no idea of her move, but there
was something very odd about this unlicensed criminal princess in my
mind's eye. The night prior to her entering my workplace on a mission
to collect boxes for her move, a very "strange" dream occurred unto
me: I was on a couch, in an undistinguished room (as the dreamworld
can so easily provide) and I was perched, uneasily I must add, on the
very end of the couch, right up against the left arm. I had a feeling
of anxiety, but with a stronger feeling of dread. I looked over to my
right and saw Her, my beautiful Prince Fuckface sitting primly and
very satisfied with herself. I didn't take it with enthusiasm. My
feeling of dread continued (naturally). For some reason, as the
dreamworld can sometimes be a deceptively very well-coordinated world,
even when we are not acting entirely within our own volition, I looked
away. The next time I dared to glance at my princess I noticed she
somehow was closer. She had moved. Hmm. I look away again, her being
unlicensed it is prudent, as she is not qualified to wield such
magnificence and being in the dreamworld I probably feared in that
unconscious state I would be even more vulnerable to her than if I
were awake. But I looked at her again, I just had to. She was even
closer! This happened a few times and then suddenly I could feel her
luscious body [gasp!] pressed side-by-side against mine! OMG! I
reeled. The rest of the dream was short but powerful. Impressions (so
delightful to someone who has been without for so long) of much
affectionate cuddling and tender caresses, maybe even a little light
kissing. Mmmm. It felt good. What was I so worried about?

The next day as I overheard her asking for boxes I felt a new dread,
this time in the regular consciousness. I wonder if it was just the
standard wanderings of another human being effecting my own
"compatible variables" at a distance. Or whether she intentionally
"took" me and gave me a little journey with a very pleasant ending. If
she had read my writing or something of her own equivalent to the
dream experiments then.. my beautiful little Princess Fuckface gives
"good head"! I won't let myself think I know for certain, but I do
know she shares her words by day, as many others have proven.

Oh, Princess Fuckface. Why couldn't you have been a real princess? Why
couldn't you have had some empathy for someone whose had a life like
mine, if you knew? Why couldn't you have had more compassion, not just
cum-passion? Don't you know this internal quality is more important
than the external eroticism/neuro-hormonal appreciation? What's wrong
with you? Why are you... evil? You sicced your goon on me, I know
you're here. So that's done. My little princess. My little...
fuckface!

It took you a while to read my 2nd post, didn't it? I felt all that
seething hatred in me, meanwhile in my mind I had all sorts of hate
feelings towards my original love: my Divine Kikinah, my little Kika
Swinuel. So early in the morning (and for so long!), you awakened me
with your intensity. I wonder what I would have dreamt if I hadn't. I
would love it if you would murder me repeatedly in a variety of ways
in my slumber. Oh, you'd be so beautiful while you did it.
Presciently... I just know it! Later that very day you entered my
workplace when you knew I'd be there, looking at me like that. You
really wanted to finally say something real, but all those other
people tamed your tongue. The very next day you sicced your loyal goon
on me! Bravo! Have someone else do your dirty work! Why not continue
in your weak pusilianimity?! Why change? Why grow!? Why even give me a
shred of respect or trust or dignity? Why not continue to degrade
people for your own failures and lack of internal qualities? You have
little to gain and plenty to lose. So cuntinue, as you have for 3
years. And as for the goon, in our little "chat" I guess I made the
mistake of providing false information. It's been about 2.5 years
(give or take) of crap, not the full 3. She managed to refrain from
the malicious behavior for a number of months. Good work on the
self-control, from the beginning, my princess..

Crappy April Fool's Day.

I hope the rest of you can enjoy the sordid details of my sad little
life. After all: what are good fiends for?!?

:^)

:^(

:^p


"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."

- Aristotle

On Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:03:04 GMT, alex111@ypo.com (Axel of the North!)
wrote:

>Hello there, MFW fiends. I've got some gripes.. and some swipes.
>
>(give or take) of crap, not the full 3. She managed to refrain from
>the malicious behavior for a number of months. Good work on the
>self-control, from the beginning, my princess..
>
>Crappy April Fool's Day.
>
>I hope the rest of you can enjoy the sordid details of my sad little
>life. After all: what are good fiends for?!?
>

So, at one point a neurologist or consciousness researcher or some
other pertinent expert was on the "Daily Show" and at the end, to sum
up what thinking is he said, forced to a one-liner said that thought
is patterns of neurons, neural patterns. This is what learning is, and
how personalities develop, how skill sets are cultivated. In the end,
when someone who has a functional brain/mind is confronted with
another, such as a first impression (and we're all told how much that
matters, right?) the shared fields can interact to the point where the
strengthened neural patterns of the other can be experienced, to what
degree I can only imagine and I certainly allow for those who are
superior and more practiced at it than myself. But I must say, some
people would do very well to withhold from judging others and
punishing others for not taking a proactive approach to initiating a
relationship, given obvious heretofore uncommunicated factors, or
silently communicated factors. The inner polygonal marine from no less
than that great sci-fi first-person shooter "Half-Life" on my 'puter
said "I've got a BAAAAD feeling about this mission!" Even a computer
game can provide a suitable humorous character to serve as an anchor
point for a sub/superconsious appraisel (and an obviously effortless
one at that) of another. Groups of neural fields in a mind that is
capable of grasping meaning.

I spoke of the heartless in previous posts, probably not in this
forum. I showed my father the game guide to the PSP's "Kingdom Hearts:
Chain of Memories". I showed him the boss character "Axel". I found
the side commentary on that character to be VERY interesting. And
let's see... who on this very Earth put forth the idea that the human
brain went into predominantly theta waves when playing video games?
Who? Who was that? Anyone want to take a stab?

I then told my father (for the first time) what I experienced of my
adult circumcision, and what had happened to my freshly circumcised
penis, the difference before and after. My father refused to
acknowledge that I could tell whether or not a little "extra"
non-surgical activity had been so generously performed on my member.
That's heartless. And that's the medical establishment. I am appalled
at the various "professionals" of this Great Satan, this "America".
Appalled.

Here's another little fun fact: one day, upon unlocking my bicycle
preparing to go to work, approaching my apartment door, my exit to the
outside world I had the memory of Stephen Colbert telling me about
cleaning his zombie rifle before the impending Apocalypse (2000). I
had a vague feeling of dread towards the world. Later that day, not on
courier missions for the sub-boss of my personal video game: "GTA:
Mini-Apocalypse" but working the less glamorous task in the
establishment I witnessed from my exhibit window of the zoo that I
apparently inhabit a crazy, violent man walking around the
intersection screaming at people and attacking, even biting some of
the random pedestrians. I then witnessed him later cuffed sitting on
the curb, with a squad car or two of LEOs lollygagging about,
conferring with each other, doing the humdrum tasks that follow. I
didn't witness the biting, but someone came in and told me about it.
It's a very interesting thing, this world. And I'm sure it happens to
many. The one thing I don't like is people trying to tell me about my
sanity or lack thereof. As soon as people tell me what isn't possible,
what cannot be, when I personally experience it, on a daily basis
even, that's when they lose their credibility and my respect.

America. If you want to find a criminal mind, don't be fooled by the
erroneous classification of "schizotypal personality disorder". There
is a sub-group of this "disorder" and it is "schizotypal reality
order". Take a look at the brain science of the criminal brain (maybe
not the white collar crime) and then take a look at the neuro-anatomy
of the schizotypal brain. Who has an aberrent personality? Who is
inclined to lashing out? I'm no Senator Palpatine but I've turned out
to be easily palpable, and that frightens me from what I've already
seen in the behaviors that a number of females will act out. A trace
of fear in a mind that can cause a change in another, to the point of
an attack. The female mind is more self-indulgent, self-centered and
less self-accountable when it is given over to a certain value-system
as seen in the false, corporate-created culture of vulgar fashion
magazines and advertising industries. This is disgusting.

Here's a fun fact: one of only two women I've "slept" with, the first
one (who wasn't my mother, I mean), while in WisconSIN, had a very
nice body which I massaged all over with great care. I really enjoyed
touching her, and I did so for many hours. I had told her about the
phimosis and had also made clear that I was a virgin and had no goal
of losing it until I felt it was appropriate. There was no discussion
of any sexual obligations, in any direction. So everything was cool.
We cuddled and kissed for many many hours, and in the short two-hour
span in which I actually slept, which *must* have been a deep sleep as
I understand it from what I have read of consciousness... I had a
strangely vivid dream: a view of my own genitalia from someone else's
eyes, and pulling on the foreskin. When I woke up, I found my penis
had reach a new level of pain which persisted for two days. Obviously,
when an organism finds a body part that is pleasurable when touched
will seek to touch it and find out how nice G-d's little gift to that
organism can be. Right? Right! But I had never pulled so aggressively
on my poor little Captain Wee-Wee. The only other time it had been
pulled aggressively was when another fantastic medical doctor
inspected my phimosis, and I wondered if he thought he could cure me
of this condition mechanically, as if for the 21 years of my life I
somehow couldn't figure out how to cure myself. Great doctor. He
could've asked me.

Now I ask my wonderful fiends and goons and everyone else: how does
someone have such a strong visual perception in what must be a deep,
non-visual sleep-state that so accurately depicts what the other's
visual percept-system was experiencing? I certainly did not wake up, I
was as good as thoroughly anesthetized. A learning experience, for
sure. I should feel lucky I got off so easy.

Oh, I don't feel so good about it. I feel vulnerable and exposed. When
nude it is psychologically easy to feel vulnerable, and obviously
exposed. What is wrong with these people? And what is wrong within me
to exacerbate such behavior? The things which occur early in life that
can so profoundly effect our neural development, as memories and
feelings embedded deep within our brain-stem.. effecting the layers
upon layers of ever-increasingly sophisticated neural structures.. oh
yes, I KNOW.

To ask, as I have, regular people, in this kind of world, to suppress
my own mind, my feelings, to reduce the Observer Effect and get the
straight skinny from the others about their experiences with the
medical establishment is no small or insignificant task. I just want
something genuine from others. But there is a lot of discontent and
resentment and anger and even fear from other people regarding these
"professionals" whose very job is not to harm, but to heal us.
Mothers, fathers, priests, rabbis, teachers, therapists, nurses,
doctors.. and other assorted "professionals". This is appalling.
Fuckin' worthless.

I see in the local paper a man who sent increasingly threatening and
sexually threatening text messages to a baby-sitter with several
children in her care, and she calls the police and asks for
protection. Repeatedly. Anoka. They respond they can't until a crime
has been committed. He attacked her and sexually abused a 2 year-old.
Now, THAT poor woman, that household, NEEDED a firearm. No doubt. And
as I'm reading this front-page news I'm thinking to myself: "Are you
fucking kidding me? Are you KIDDING ME? What the fuck kind of monster
IS this?" But then a quiet, more rational inner-voice speaks to me and
calmly says: "You know the dark side of this great land of plenty,
you have seen the horror underneath the everyday world of the
ubiquitous people of this society." It is not as an aberrent mind that
cannot understand, it is not a criminal mind that is looking for an
excuse to indulge in unrestrained violence against random people. It
is simply another Witness to cause and effect. Most likely that person
was of a type that was predisposed, very probably genetically
predisposed to horrible violence. But who knows... I see we have in
place a society which creates it's killers and rapists. I see in the
Jewish and Muslim cultures a remedy for sexual resentments and
distractions from education, to ensure an ideal environment for true
study and introspection. We put walls up and swathe in clothing our
genders, not to constrain or control so much as to ameliorate our
natural impulses and desires, and to facilitate our strivings for
intellectual and character development.

I see my Goddess, my Princess and I see so much of what is hated about
America. She exemplifies it. I might have been inclined to write a
letter to her, but that would be using illegally obtained information,
and that's against the law. I might have asked, but all those times
she drew near, the feelings seething within. Someone who feels (and
proven) that vindictive stymies real communication. Oh, I know I have
resentments, but I also know that's not me. Are you kidding me? Are
you for real? And disgust with her only makes her worse. And feeling
desire for her seems to sour it too. It's a tricky thing. The
inner-net can only go so far, not as far as most of us can wish for.
I've seen a lot of people who like to use the rules, work within the
rules so they are not accountable, even if they are acting on a
vindictive agenda, it doesn't matter because they are operating within
the rules, to maintain inculpability. The games people play. There are
many restrictions placed on someone at a workplace, and I don't trust
many of the people I meet, especially someone as special.. as a
Goddess.


--

"Hospital nutrition is the worst, and is designed by Registered Dieticians,
who are the most ignorant group of "professionals" one could possibly
encounter. You'd like them."

David Cohen in m.f.w. on 11/09/06

On Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:03:04 GMT, alex111@ypo.com (Axel of the North!)
wrote:

>Hello there, MFW fiends. I've got some gripes.. and some swipes.
>
>(give or take) of crap, not the full 3. She managed to refrain from
>the malicious behavior for a number of months. Good work on the
>self-control, from the beginning, my princess..
>
>Crappy April Fool's Day.
>
>I hope the rest of you can enjoy the sordid details of my sad little
>life. After all: what are good fiends for?!?
>

So, at one point a neurologist or consciousness researcher or some
other pertinent expert was on the "Daily Show" and at the end, to sum
up what thinking is he said, forced to a one-liner said (paraphrasing)
that thought is neural patterns. This is what learning is, and how
personalities develop, how skill sets are cultivated. In the end, when
someone who has a functional brain/mind is confronted with another,
such as a first impression (and we're all told how much that matters,
right?) the shared fields can interact to the point where the
strengthened neural patterns of the other can be experienced, to what
degree I can only imagine and I certainly allow for those who are
superior and more practiced at it than myself. But I must say, some
people would do very well to withhold from judging others and
punishing others for not taking a proactive approach to initiating a
relationship, however small (or large), given obvious heretofore
uncommunicated factors.. or silently communicated factors. The inner
polygonal marine from no less than that great sci-fi first-person
shooter "Half-Life" on my 'puter said "I got a BAAAAD feeling about
this mission!" Even a computer game can provide a suitable humorous
character to serve as an anchor point for a sub/superconsious
appraisel (and an obviously effortless one at that) of another. Groups
of neural fields in a mind that is capable of grasping meaning.

I spoke of the heartless in previous posts, probably not in this
forum. I showed my father the game guide to the PSP's "Kingdom Hearts:
Chain of Memories". I showed him the boss character "Axel". I found
the side commentary on that character to be VERY interesting. And
let's see... who on this very Earth put forth the idea that the human
brain went into predominantly theta waves when playing video games?
Who? Who was that? Anyone want to take a stab?

I then told my father (for the first time) what I experienced of my
adult circumcision, and what had happened to my freshly circumcised
penis, the difference before and after. My father refused to
acknowledge that I could tell whether or not a little "extra"
non-surgical activity had been so generously performed on my member.
That's heartless. And that's the medical establishment. I am appalled
at the various "professionals" of this Great Satan, this "America".
Appalled.

Here's another little fun fact: one day, upon unlocking my bicycle
preparing to go to work, approaching my apartment door, my exit to the
outside world I had the memory of Stephen Colbert telling me about
cleaning his zombie rifle before the impending Apocalypse (2000). I
had a vague feeling of dread towards the world. Later that day, not on
courier missions for the sub-boss of my personal video game: "GTA:
Mini-Apocalypse" but working the less glamorous task in the
establishment I witnessed from my exhibit window of the zoo that I
apparently inhabit a crazy, violent man walking around the
intersection screaming at people and attacking, even biting some of
the random pedestrians. I then witnessed him later cuffed sitting on
the curb, with a squad car or two of LEOs lollygagging about,
conferring with each other, doing the humdrum tasks that follow. I
didn't witness the biting, but someone came in and told me about it.
It's a very interesting thing, this world. And I'm sure it happens to
many. The one thing I don't like is people trying to tell me about my
sanity or lack thereof. As soon as people tell me what isn't possible,
what cannot be, when I personally experience it, on a daily basis
even, that's when they lose their credibility and my respect.

America. If you want to find a criminal mind, don't be fooled by the
erroneous classification of "schizotypal personality disorder". There
is a sub-group of this "disorder" and it is "schizotypal reality
order". Take a look at the brain science of the criminal brain (maybe
not the white collar crime) and then take a look at the neuro-anatomy
of the schizotypal brain. Who has an aberrent personality? Who is
inclined to lashing out? I'm no Senator Palpatine but I've turned out
to be easily palpable, and that frightens me from what I've already
seen in the behaviors that a number of females will act out. A trace
of fear in a mind that can cause a change in another, to the point of
an attack. The female mind is more self-indulgent, self-centered and
less self-accountable when it is given over to a certain value-system
as seen in the false, corporate-created culture of vulgar women's
magazines, fashion magazines and the advertising industry. This is
disgusting.

Here's a fun fact: one of only two women I've "slept" with, the first
one (who wasn't my mother, I mean), while in WisconSIN ('99), had a
very nice body which I massaged all over with great care. I really
enjoyed touching her, and I did so for many hours. I had told her
about the phimosis and had also made clear that I was a virgin and had
no goal of losing it until I felt it was appropriate. There was no
discussion of any sexual obligations, in any direction. So everything
was cool. We cuddled and kissed for many many hours, and in the short
two-hour span in which I actually slept, which *must* have been a deep
sleep as I understand it from what I have read of consciousness... I
had a strangely vivid dream: a view of my own genitalia from someone
else's point of view and pulling on the foreskin. When I woke up, I
found my penis had reached a new level of pain which persisted for two
days. Obviously, when an organism finds a body part that is
pleasurable when touched will seek to touch it and find out how nice
G-d's little gift to that organism can be. Right? Right! But I had
never pulled so aggressively on my poor little Captain Wee-Wee. The
only other time it had been pulled aggressively was when another
fantastic medical doctor inspected my phimosis, and I wondered if he
thought he could cure me of this condition mechanically, as if for the
21 years of my life I somehow couldn't figure out how to cure myself.
Great doctor. He could've asked me.

Now I ask my wonderful fiends and goons and everyone else: how does
someone have such a strong visual perception in what must be a deep,
non-visual sleep-state that so accurately depicts what the other's
visual percept-system was experiencing? I certainly did not wake up, I
was as good as thoroughly anesthetized. A learning experience, for
sure. I should feel lucky I got off so easy.

Oh, I don't feel so good about it. I feel vulnerable and exposed. When
nude it is psychologically easy to feel vulnerable, and obviously
exposed. What is wrong with these people? And what is wrong within me
to exacerbate such behavior? The things which occur early in life that
can so profoundly effect our neural development, as memories and
feelings embedded deep within our brain-stem.. effecting the layers
upon layers of ever-increasingly sophisticated neural structures.. oh
yes, I KNOW.

To ask, as I have, regular people, in this kind of world, to suppress
my own mind, my feelings, to reduce the Observer Effect and get the
straight skinny from the others about their experiences with the
medical establishment is no small or insignificant task. I just want
something genuine from others. But there is a lot of discontent and
resentment and anger and even fear from other people regarding these
"professionals" whose very job is not to harm us, but to heal us.
Mothers, fathers, priests, rabbis, teachers, therapists, nurses,
doctors.. and other assorted "professionals". This is appalling.
Fuckin' worthless.

I see in the local paper a man who sent increasingly threatening and
sexually threatening text messages to a baby-sitter with several
children in her care, and she calls the police and asks for
protection. Repeatedly. Anoka. They respond they can't until a crime
has been committed. He attacked her and sexually abused a 2 year-old.
Now, THAT poor woman, that household, NEEDED a firearm. No doubt. And
as I'm reading this front-page news I'm thinking to myself: "Are you
fucking kidding me? Are you KIDDING ME? What the fuck kind of monster
IS this?" But then a quiet, more rational inner-voice speaks to me and
calmly says: "You know the dark side of this great land of plenty,
you have seen the horror underneath the everyday world of these
ubiquitous people who comprise this society." It is not as an aberrent
mind that cannot understand, it is not a criminal mind that is looking
for an excuse to indulge in unrestrained violence against random
people. It is simply another Witness to cause and effect. Most likely
that person was of a type that was predisposed, very probably
genetically predisposed to horrible violence. But who knows... I see
we have in place a society which creates it's killers and rapists. I
see in the Jewish and Muslim cultures a remedy for sexual resentments
and distractions from education, to ensure an ideal environment for
true study and introspection. We put walls up and swathe in clothing
our genders, not to constrain or control so much as to ameliorate our
natural impulses and desires, and to facilitate our strivings for
intellectual and character development.

I see my Goddess, my Princess and I see so much of what is hated about
America. She exemplifies it. I might have been inclined to write a
letter to her, but that would be using illegally obtained information,
and that's against the law. I might have asked, but all those times
she drew near, the feelings seething within. Someone who feels (and
proven) that vindictive stymies real communication. Oh, I know I have
resentments, but I also know that's not me. Are you kidding me? Are
you for real? And disgust with her only makes her worse. And feeling
desire for her seems to sour it too. It's a tricky thing. The
inner-net can only go so far, not as far as most of us can wish for.
I've seen a lot of people who like to use the rules, work within the
rules so they are not accountable (in their mind) even if they are
acting on a vindictive agenda, it doesn't matter because they are
operating within the rules (and their rules) to maintain
inculpability. The games people play. There are many restrictions
placed on someone at a workplace, and I don't trust many of the people
I meet, especially someone as special.. as a Goddess.

Good God Axel! You lost me after paragraph 7. I don't have time to
read this. How do you have time to write it?

On Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:03:04 GMT, alex111@ypo.com (Axel of the North!)
wrote in misc.fitness.weights:

>Hello there, MFW fiends. I've got some gripes.. and some swipes.
>
>I got so sick of all these people in my community complaining about
>the weather, about every little thing, then making custom orders for
>the future. It's gotten to such a point now (are people getting less
>tolerant of G-d?) that my resentments built.. I warned plenty of them,
>I told them about Thor.. and the frost giants. Now, as it turns out,
>we've got a wonderful April Fool's day surprise. And us Minnesotans
>*deserved* it, I should know.. I was there, I felt the pulse of my
>community. We got six inches at the international airport.. that's
>just about right.. that's just about *perfect*!
>
>I've got another beautiful yet malicious woman to harp on about.
>
>She's another diminutive blonde bombshell, a real killer. In fact,
>she's so fuckin' gorgeous that I simply cannot feel sorry for her if
>she should ever feel lonely. Because I know that she's so beautiful
>that her life is very different from the rest of us; she doesn't have
>to suffer. You see, all she has to do to get her lovin' is to go to a
>busy bar or club and walk in and, like a supermodel, stroll right in
>to the center of the room, the music would abruptly stop (no doubt
>with a record swipe sound effect) and she'd turn, slowly, surveying
>the men, exuding a cool confidence in her divine feminininity, and one
>of the men with a good vantage point would studder nervously to his
>fellows: "Wow, she's really buh buh buh buh buh buh buh bonerific!"
>and his nearest mates would unquestioningly nod in agreement. Then
>this Woman, having made her selections, would point at each man,
>drawing the envy of the others, stride out of the establishment, her
>men obediently in tow. That's how fuckin' gorgeous she is.
>
>This woman is a real princess: Princess Fuckface!
>
>Princess Fuckface IS a killer. In fact, she's an outright CRIMINAL!
>Wanna know why? (I'll tell you anyway) Because she doesn't have a
>license for what she carries around with her everyday. That's why. I
>know something about the laws of my state, and it's obvious she
>doesn't respect them. You see, Princess Fuckface is so bonerifically
>beautiful that the very sight of her can cause a man's blood to leave
>his head (the one above his shoulders) and brain (by far the highest
>consumer of the body's oxygen by weight) to the point where a man can
>feint, falling almost instantly unconscious while standing, literally
>falling helplessly to the ground, possibly dying! Princess Fuckface is
>so goddamned beautiful she's drop-dead gorgeous! And that's illegal.
>
>And there is another problem: Princess Fuckface is really mean. One
>time, after she had turned sour on me, and I wonder why she would do
>this as she never talked to me, not like a real person anyway, and I
>knew not just by her mean disposition but by the bad feeling in my
>chest when she drew near, she had the insolence to walk into the
>entrance of my workplace and, knowing that I had seen her, simply
>stopped there and postured in her body, showing off her revealing
>dress and the delicious contents it held so very well. Her beautiful
>facial features had contorted to a scowl, a mean scowl of pure malice!
>Ohhhhh... my beautiful, special little princess.. you turned sour on
>me. And I didn't have to say a word.
>
>For you see, my internet fiends (why can't I ever remember the "R"?),
>I, having an education born of Darkness as a Jewish Mystic, know the
>feelings in my chest. I am from faulty, dysfunctional Science and the
>scathing flames of the House of Swinuel etched into my soul. I
>experienced this princess, Princess Fuckface. In fact, I planted
>within her, and as people of my kind know very well, once planted
>there is a dynamic growth of the seed: "I KNOW you want.. ME." "I KNOW
>you want.. ME!" And the feelings underneath that.. Oh yes, my
>Princess. I opened you up and watched you blossom, and what a terrible
>blossom you became. This is a very intimate Universe, isn't it? My
>princess failed. A woman spurned? Scorned? I *have* to watch. I must
>be very careful, observant, and honest in the appraisel that follows
>from such observations.
>
>Scientists must be very careful to not interfere with what they are
>observing, yet in the physics of the very small we find an observer
>effect, that the very act of watching somehow changes the effects,
>altering our results. It is very difficult. The same is true for
>psientists, and don't say there is no body of genuine knowledge that
>humanity has amassed over the milleniums. There is. Ken Wilbur (or is
>it Wilber?) wrote the book "Science and Spirituality", which I read
>many years ago. There was a scientific process involved, a careful
>process by which we learned about what it means to exist on the human
>level in our world. I've been reading many books, Ph Ds, MDs,
>psychologists, therapists, shamans, fans of psychedelics from the 60's
>and 70's. Are they all kooks? What about the older texts? Some people
>have had the gumption to threaten me with therapy. That would be in
>the right, ultimately. You see, I've seen a Jewish family therapist,
>and was unimpressed. And I've had dreams during my time under that
>therapist. My therapist's face erupted in a constellation of pimples..
>her androgen levels must have escalated to the point she could have
>learned from the bodybuilders who "juice" to reduce her acne. She
>experienced my "juice". As did the aggressive little girl Raw-Ho. And
>Raw-Ho was a beautiful little girl from the mystical side of life..
>and so aggressive! I have met child molesters, yes, oh yes I have. One
>of my child molesters was Raw-Ho, from a very powerful mystical family
>of Jews. She couldn't stay away, would not be sated, she was an
>aggressive, tenacious, merciless, fiery young soul riding my astral
>back. Riding my back SO HARD! Oh yes, Rabbi, her face erupted in
>boils. And I'm sure you had something to do with that. Serves her
>right. I was in pain from that. I can't forget the look on her face,
>after the eruption, that holyday's night, at your dinner table. She
>deserved it!
>
>But back to science. I know that my past, in some magical way, is
>still in my present. You can rationalize it as resonant wave-fields
>emanating from neurological organs, interacting on a local level with
>the body/mind fields and of course non-locally through some concept of
>the implicate order and such.. patterns of activity in our mighty
>brains, without true conscious awareness or intention that a person's
>past, be it emotional abuse or the rapture of love.. somehow remains,
>a shadow, a subconscious.. or superconscious? It is an aspect of our
>consciousness that we carry, bodhichitta, karma, whatever. The
>subtleties of feeling another, sensing a person's psyche and all the
>subtle impressions that can arise from it. The uncultured,
>unsophisticated, unbalanced, unrestrained, mundane people who populate
>this meaningless, decadent country react to a real soul's emanations
>like animals. They react, they don't interpret and integrate it
>carefully, genuinely hoping to achieve understanding. And so it was
>with my princess. She drew from me and became even worse. She doesn't
>have the mind, the soul to refrain from the bad feelings in me. She
>just reacts to it. She has her own past, and I mine. It's a bad mix. I
>don't have to engage in my darkness, there is no "spell" or magickal
>method. There is no repetitive manipulation, just words, sent into the
>"ether".. with my own feelings and intentions.
>
>And if my darling, special, little princess had read of my own
>writings, similar to the above, and had her own intentions? That would
>be very bad, if she was not a kind soul. And I felt it. I got it. I
>get it. Princess Fuckface may like to titillate and torment with her
>straws, and of course if she "knew" me then she knew my...
>vulnerability, especially if she had plenty of time to feel me out..
>
>I Had a Dream:
>
>My precious little Princess Fuckface moved once, during her time
>enmeshed within my psionic field. I had no idea of her move, but there
>was something very odd about this unlicensed criminal princess in my
>mind's eye. The night prior to her entering my workplace on a mission
>to collect boxes for her move, a very "strange" dream occurred unto
>me: I was on a couch, in an undistinguished room (as the dreamworld
>can so easily provide) and I was perched, uneasily I must add, on the
>very end of the couch, right up against the left arm. I had a feeling
>of anxiety, but with a stronger feeling of dread. I looked over to my
>right and saw Her, my beautiful Prince Fuckface sitting primly and
>very satisfied with herself. I didn't take it with enthusiasm. My
>feeling of dread continued (naturally). For some reason, as the
>dreamworld can sometimes be a deceptively very well-coordinated world,
>even when we are not acting entirely within our own volition, I looked
>away. The next time I dared to glance at my princess I noticed she
>somehow was closer. She had moved. Hmm. I look away again, her being
>unlicensed it is prudent, as she is not qualified to wield such
>magnificence and being in the dreamworld I probably feared in that
>unconscious state I would be even more vulnerable to her than if I
>were awake. But I looked at her again, I just had to. She was even
>closer! This happened a few times and then suddenly I could feel her
>luscious body [gasp!] pressed side-by-side against mine! OMG! I
>reeled. The rest of the dream was short but powerful. Impressions (so
>delightful to someone who has been without for so long) of much
>affectionate cuddling and tender caresses, maybe even a little light
>kissing. Mmmm. It felt good. What was I so worried about?
>
>The next day as I overheard her asking for boxes I felt a new dread,
>this time in the regular consciousness. I wonder if it was just the
>standard wanderings of another human being effecting my own
>"compatible variables" at a distance. Or whether she intentionally
>"took" me and gave me a little journey with a very pleasant ending. If
>she had read my writing or something of her own equivalent to the
>dream experiments then.. my beautiful little Princess Fuckface gives
>"good head"! I won't let myself think I know for certain, but I do
>know she shares her words by day, as many others have proven.
>
>Oh, Princess Fuckface. Why couldn't you have been a real princess? Why
>couldn't you have had some empathy for someone whose had a life like
>mine, if you knew? Why couldn't you have had more compassion, not just
>cum-passion? Don't you know this internal quality is more important
>than the external eroticism/neuro-hormonal appreciation? What's wrong
>with you? Why are you... evil? You sicced your goon on me, I know
>you're here. So that's done. My little princess. My little...
>fuckface!
>
>It took you a while to read my 2nd post, didn't it? I felt all that
>seething hatred in me, meanwhile in my mind I had all sorts of hate
>feelings towards my original love: my Divine Kikinah, my little Kika
>Swinuel. So early in the morning (and for so long!), you awakened me
>with your intensity. I wonder what I would have dreamt if I hadn't. I
>would love it if you would murder me repeatedly in a variety of ways
>in my slumber. Oh, you'd be so beautiful while you did it.
>Presciently... I just know it! Later that very day you entered my
>workplace when you knew I'd be there, looking at me like that. You
>really wanted to finally say something real, but all those other
>people tamed your tongue. The very next day you sicced your loyal goon
>on me! Bravo! Have someone else do your dirty work! Why not continue
>in your weak pusilianimity?! Why change? Why grow!? Why even give me a
>shred of respect or trust or dignity? Why not continue to degrade
>people for your own failures and lack of internal qualities? You have
>little to gain and plenty to lose. So cuntinue, as you have for 3
>years. And as for the goon, in our little "chat" I guess I made the
>mistake of providing false information. It's been about 2.5 years
>(give or take) of crap, not the full 3. She managed to refrain from
>the malicious behavior for a number of months. Good work on the
>self-control, from the beginning, my princess..
>
>Crappy April Fool's Day.
>
>I hope the rest of you can enjoy the sordid details of my sad little
>life. After all: what are good fiends for?!?
>
>:^)
>
>:^(
>
>:^p
>
>
>"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."
>
>- Aristotle

On Thu, 03 Apr 2008 07:33:16 -0500, John Hanson
<jhanson@northernlinks.com> wrote:

>Good God Axel! You lost me after paragraph 7. I don't have time to
>read this. How do you have time to write it?
>
>On Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:03:04 GMT, alex111@ypo.com (Axel of the North!)
>wrote in misc.fitness.weights:

Let's just say I've got plenty of time in my day after I've exhausted
my one, true love, Mary (guess how many fingers she has?). Mary may
not know it but I might have been thinking about my special little
princess while we were "together". Once Mary recovers "we" are free to
write on the internet.

John, you've got a good job and a house and dog and guns and a family
and friends and all sorts of other wonderful things to share your time
with. I'm all alone in my cell. Sobbing myself to sleep, haunted by
the vision of beauty that is Her. I don't try to make friends, or keep
the "friends" from the past. They just don't do it for me. This is why
I must halve the 2 liter Sprint bottles, glue packing foam into the
inside and attach the straps with velcro attachments to hold them in
place. That is why I must lie in wait, on my padded knees (thanks,
MFW!), in the bushes.. for my preciousess... in the park.. wailing..
for.. love...