Brown Butthole Whitening Paste?

I want to wax or shine my butthole so that it is nice and clean like the
models in the magazines. I read that there is a guy who sells this butthole
whitener and he used to test it on his mother. This is a true story.

I want to get a cheap version, as my butt does not get into any magazines
and it is just so the next time a chick is licking my nutsack she won't get
grossed out by my brown butthole area.

Any help will be appreciated.

Sincerely,

Brownie.